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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23073004">All That and More</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/braadvengolor/pseuds/braadvengolor'>braadvengolor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Just Roll With It (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Cab/Cabin is in this but i made him out to be kind of an asshole i’m sorry Cab fans, Friends to Lovers, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, ggcu, idiots to lovers, this is mostly about Br’aad/Taxi but the other party members are there</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:21:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,060</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23073004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/braadvengolor/pseuds/braadvengolor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Br’aad has had a huge crush on Taxi since he’d met him (and at this point it almost feels like it’s been too long to tell him), but when his roommate tries to get with him, everything in his life comes crashing down and he has to rethink everything he thought he knew about himself— and maybe finally tell Taxi what he’s been feeling.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Br’aad Vengolor &amp; Sylnan Vengolor, Br’aad Vengolor/Taxi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>166</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. your best friend you’re hopelessly in love with</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Someone on the Discord said there needed to be more JRWI fanfiction and I absolutely agree. Here is my most ambitious project yet- middle school me would be so proud.</p><p>Also, I am just now realizing the folly of making my username braadvengolor. Oops.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>God fucking damn it— that was the first thought on Br’aad’s mind as his roommate’s alarm kept beeping. It had been at least ten minutes, if not longer. He had never been closer to killing someone in his entire life as he was at that moment. Sure, he was entirely capable of crawling down the bunk ladder out of his warm blankets down into the cold abyss that was the ground, but he didn’t want to. It was six-fucking-thirty, and more than anything Br’aad just wanted to go back to sleep and continue the wonderful dream he’d been having that had been all-too-rudely interrupted by the yowling of the alarm on his roommate’s desk. But he couldn’t do that, because his asshole roommate wouldn’t wake the hell up. Br’aad considered how best to wake his roommate up without having to leave the comfort of his bunk. Throw something at him? It could work, or it could end up with one of his prized stuffed animals as a prisoner of war to his sleeping roommate— that was not a risk that Br’aad was willing to take. Eventually, he decided to simply hope for it to end sooner rather than later. </p>
<p>Twenty seven agonizing minutes after the alarm had started beeping, his roommate finally dragged his ass out of bed. </p>
<p>“You fucker, your alarm has been going off for forever,” Br’aad whined as his roommate’s feet hit the floor. </p>
<p>“Why didn’t you turn it off, dipshit?” His roommate retorted. </p>
<p>“Not my fuckin’ problem, and it’s warm up here. It’s cold down there.”</p>
<p>Finally, sweet silence as his roommate punched the clock silent. As his roommate got dressed for work, Br’aad at long last started to drift back off to sleep. Before he could fully fall asleep, his roommate shot him a terse goodbye. Br’aad, annoyed at the interruption mere moments before he was back asleep, flipped his roommate off, turned towards the wall, and shoved his pillow over his head. </p>
<p>Most of the time, Br’aad’s roommate was pretty okay. He was a bit of a gym bro, worked at the campus coffee shop, had an obvious thing for his coworker (who wasn’t even that hot), and majored in History. Nothing intolerable, but with his early coffee shop hours and his continuous cycle of guys, it could be kinda hard to live with him. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it could get a bit tiresome when he constantly got back to the dorm in the hours of the morning when most people would be sleeping or frantically writing essays they forgot were due. </p>
<p>Despite the interruption and the sunlight already starting to stream through his window, Br’aad fell back asleep relatively easily. Several hours later he was awoken by his own alarm chiming gently from somewhere underneath one of his pillows. He’d forgotten to plug in his phone last night. Again. He threw the pillow he’d shoved over his head on to the floor and began to dig through his sheets for his phone. He quickly turned the alarm off and glanced at the battery percentage. 19%. Shit. </p>
<p>Br’aad climbed down from his bunk, plugged his phone in at his desk, grabbed his toothbrush, toothpaste, and hairbrush out of his desk drawer, put his ‘the bathroom floor is gross’ slippers on, and sighed as he ventured out into the hall of the dorm building. Sure, saving money was great and all, but wouldn’t it be kinda nice to not have to share a bathroom with fifty other guys? As he contemplated the luxuries of a private bathroom, Br’aad entered the bathroom and came face to face with his reflection in the grody mirror. His usually immaculate locks were tangled into an absolute bird’s nest from sleeping under the pillow. This was going to take some time, but it was going to have to wait. There are more urgent matters that must be attended to first thing in the morning. </p>
<p>After having done everything he needed to to prepare himself for the day ahead, he gathered his things and went back to his room. He glanced at his phone. 10:34, plenty of time to get lunch before his 3:30 lecture. </p>
<p>The glass on the surface of his phone was cracked. Taxi always told him he shouldn’t take it into his bed with him with the glass cracked like that (“you could get glass shards in your bed, Br’aad!”), but he wasn’t planning on getting the glass replaced any time soon, so he did it anyway. Either way, it drove Taxi crazy, and anything that drove Taxi crazy was something Br’aad definitely wanted to do more of. </p>
<p>Br’aad, despite having gotten more than the recommended eight hours of sleep last night, was still tired. Yes, despite having gone to bed fairly early, not having been woken up when his roommate decided to return from another of his escapades, and sleeping until 10, somehow he still felt tired. The balance between too much sleep and not enough sleep was a delicate one, and Br’aad was an indelicate man. Br’aad needed a coffee, a redbull, anything to wake him up. He didn’t really like coffee that much, it was far too bitter for his tastes, but it would do when he really needed it. Sure, it was more expensive, worse tasting, and less effective than an energy drink, but he did need to apologize to his roommate for flipping him off that morning. Was it well deserved? Yes. Did he regret doing it? No. But would it make his life a bit easier? Probably not by much. No matter what he did, his roommate would still be as horny as ever. He was unstoppable in that regard. Br’aad was surprised he hadn’t tried to come on to him yet. </p>
<p>First coffee, then lunch, then lecture. Biology. Br’aad didn’t really give a shit about biology, he was a business major. Then again, he didn’t really give a shit about business either. At first, it was fine. He just wanted to get his degree and get a nice enough job so that he could help Sylnan pay the bills, but as the semesters dragged on Br’aad realized that he fucking hated business. He considered himself to be a good person. Generally, he had people’s best interests at heart, but he came to realize that he was surrounded by horrible people. Why was it that everyone who studied business was the worst person he’d ever met? It was like a classroom full of that kid who wore a suit to class everyday in high school. It was hell on earth. </p>
<p>Despite not giving a shit about biology, Br’aad still looked forward to biology lectures. Sure, cells were cool and all, but what was really cool was having three straight hours to stare longingly at your best friend who doesn’t know you’re totally, hopelessly in love with him. Even cooler than that was going out to dinner with him after each lecture because each lecture gets out at 6:30. It’s kind of like a date, if one person didn’t know it was a date and neither person dressed up or did anything romantic and you just stole each other’s french fries and cracked dumb jokes.</p>
<p>In order to go get coffee, Br’aad was going to have to change out of his pyjamas and into clothes. Sure, technically he could go outside in his pyjamas and literally no one would judge him for it, but it was spring in Michigan, and that meant it was going to be cold and wet, which was not the greatest weather for pyjamas-as-clothes. After much consideration, he decided on an outfit, grabbed his phone and wallet off of his desk, and made his way outside. He’d checked the weather on his phone before he left, so he was wearing a medium weight jacket. Nothing too heavy, but nothing so light it wouldn’t be able to hold up to the chill. Despite the fact that by all measures he should have been appropriately dressed for the weather, he was still cold. </p>
<p>The wind whipped right through his modest spring jacket and left him shivering. It was the kind of wind that no jacket could ever compete with, quick and cold enough to chill anyone straight through to the bone. You’d need a real heavy duty winter coat to keep that kind of wind at bay. It wasn’t a long walk to the coffee shop. His roommate walked to work every day, even in the dead of winter. He was one of those mysterious shorts boys, the kind of guy that could wear shorts every single day, no matter how cold it was. How the fuck any human being could wear a pair of basketball shorts in negative temperatures was a complete mystery to Br’aad. How did his legs not simply shatter? The world may never know.</p>
<p>As Br’aad pulled open the coffee shop doors the doorbell chimed to announce his arrival. He always liked it when stores had little bells on the door. It made for a good entrance, and a good entrance was always important. Not wanting to waste this opportunity, Br’aad dramatically flipped his hair out from under his coat. His roommate looked over from behind the counter and he noticed his expression shift ever so slightly when he saw him enter. He wasn’t certain exactly what that expression meant, but he really hoped it wasn’t “<i>God damnit. Not you, I never wanted to see you again</i>”. That was Br’aad’s least favorite facial expression people made. He’d seen it before, and it sucked every single time.</p>
<p>Either way, he had to apologize. He walked up to the empty counter. </p>
<p>“Br’aad, I thought you hated coffee,” his roommate said, confused. </p>
<p>“Oh, I do. How many syrups am I allowed to add?”</p>
<p>“Technically no more than ten pumps total. But no one really cares.”</p>
<p>“Good to know, I’ll have an iced white mocha with as much caramel syrup as you can put in it without it being too gross, and as much whipped cream as you feel is necessary.”</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t you call your dentist first?”</p>
<p>“Why should I care what he thinks? He hasn’t seen me since I was twelve, I’m a man now. I make my own decisions!” </p>
<p>“What size?”</p>
<p>“Oh, medium.”</p>
<p>“That’ll be $4.36 and all of your teeth.”</p>
<p>Br’aad dug around in his pocket for his wallet, pulled a five out of it, and placed it in his roommate’s open hand.</p>
<p>“Keep the change, as an apology for flipping you off earlier.”</p>
<p>His roommate looked down at the five dollar bill, looked back at the number on the cash register, put the five dollar bill in the cash register, and dumped two quarters, a dime, and four pennies into the jar labelled “tips! :)” on the counter. Br’aad would have said something about him not simply pocketing the sixty-four cents, but by the time he’d opened his mouth to say something his roommate had already turned around and gotten started on his drink. Instead of yelling after him, Br’aad elected to sit quietly at one of the counter seats, rhythmically tapping his fingers against the counter and gently tapping his foot against the floor. </p>
<p>After a few minutes of waiting in silence, his roommate slid the drink across the counter until it came to rest right in front of him. </p>
<p>“How’s that, sweet enough for you?” He asked.</p>
<p>He seemed like he might’ve been a bit annoyed. Br’aad couldn’t tell. He took a sip of the drink. Underneath the whipped cream, the hot chocolate, and the fake caramel flavor Br’aad could still taste the bitterness of the coffee. Not only could he taste it, but he could very clearly still smell it. It was awful, but in order to not annoy his roommate any further he pretended that everything was fine and left without a complaint. </p>
<p>Br’aad checked the time on his phone after leaving the coffee shop, it was 11:07, plenty of time to get lunch. He could ask Taxi if he’d like to have lunch, but did that seem too clingy? Too desperate? Probably not, they were best friends, best friends get lunch together all the time. Maybe to avoid seeming suspicious he’d invite Velrisa along to lunch as well. That way it was more like a gathering between friends and not a one-on-one lunch date. Was he overthinking this? Absolutely. </p>
<p>He sent a text to Velrisa and Taxi to ask them to lunch at the dining hall, absentmindedly taking another sip of the drink in his hand. He winced as the bitter taste touched his tongue. Right, coffee. Gross.</p>
<p>His phone buzzed a couple times in his hand as he wondered why he hadn’t just bought tea or something— a hot chocolate, literally anything else. He glanced down at his screen, they were both going to be able to make it to lunch, but Taxi had to get dressed first. It wasn’t like him to sleep in late, maybe he’d stayed up too late studying again. Br’aad made his way toward the dining hall. He stuck his hand in his pocket to retrieve his headphones, only to realize he’d left them in his desk. Fuck.<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. terminal dumb gay bitch disease</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Br’aad, did you hear anything I just said?” Taxi asked, waving his hand in front of Br’aad’s face. </p><p>Oh shit, he hadn’t been paying attention. No, instead of actually listening to his best friend, he’d been imagining him grabbing him by the hips, bending him over and just-</p><p>“Br’aad? Are you alright?” Velrisa asked, lowering her head to meet his eye. </p><p>“Hm? Yeah, I’m fine. Just... distracted.”</p><p>There hadn’t really been anything Br’aad had wanted to eat available, not that there ever was. Lake Michigan was a really nice college; fairly inexpensive, great location, pretty good class selection, but the food wasn’t stellar. Every college had to have its flaws, Br’aad thought. Still, it was way better than any of the alternatives. Grand Valley was too conservative, UofM too big, and Western was all about aviation. Br’aad didn’t really care that much about airplanes. Some of the colleges in the Upper Peninsula seemed nice, but LMU was pretty close to the apartment he and Sylnan shared, so it worked out perfectly to have him go there. </p><p>“What were we talking about? I zoned out.” </p><p>“That’s alright, it’s just Velrisa doesn’t like cranberry juice and I’m trying to tell her she’s wrong. We need you to break the tie.”</p><p>Before Br’aad could even answer, Velrisa chimed in, “listen, Taxi, it’s just not that great. Why drink cranberry juice when you could have literally any other juice?”</p><p>“It’s good for you! And it tastes good! I just don’t understand why-”</p><p>“It being healthy has nothing to do with if I like it or not, Taxi. There are foods you don’t like that are good for you.” </p><p>“That’s different!”</p><p>While the two of them continued to lightheartedly bicker about the finer points of cranberry juice, Br’aad zoned out again. He was a bit jealous of Velrisa, and it kind of made him feel like shit. There wasn’t anything between Velrisa and Taxi, Vel didn’t have any interest in guys. Even so, Br’aad couldn’t help but feel jealous watching the two of them interact. They had this easy friendship that he couldn’t help but envy. It made sense, Taxi and Velrisa were fairly similar people. Both were soft spoken and introverted, and both were very concerned about the stupid shit Br’aad would pull (which was a fairly regular occurance). </p><p>“Br’aad, are you sure you’re alright? You seem really out of it,” Velrisa asked Br’aad, snapping him back to the present. </p><p>“Yeah, you’ve been zoning out the whole time we’ve been here, did you take your meds this morning?” Taxi asked.</p><p>“Shit!” Br’aad exclaimed. </p><p>He knew he’d forgotten something. Well, something besides his headphones. Maybe he’d been a bit too loud, people at other tables looked over at him, but quickly turned back into their conversations. Br’aad sighed and sunk down into his chair. He quickly checked the time on his phone. 1:13, way too late to just take it now. If he went all the way back to his dorm and took his Adderall now, it’d keep him up all night and he’d be a tired monster for his 9:30 class the next day. He forgot to take his meds more often than he’d like to admit. It didn’t help that part of the reason he took the meds in the first place was because things like that would slip his mind. He could have set a morning alarm to remind him to take them, but squeezing in as much sleep as possible was too important to allow anything to get in the way of that. Even if it meant failing his classes, Br’aad was going to sleep in. </p><p>“Do you need me to take notes for you during the biology lecture? I can help you go over them if you need me to,” Taxi said, putting a hand on Br’aad’s shoulder. </p><p>When Taxi had placed his hand on Br’aad’s shoulder, his thumb had come to rest just above the collar of his shirt, and he was suddenly very aware of how warm Taxi’s hands were. Staring directly into Taxi’s green eyes, feeling the warmth from his hand on his shoulder, the gentle touch of his thumb against his neck, and experiencing genuine care and affection— his brain just completely shut off. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, stuttered out some ums and uhs, and finally decided to just nod his head yes. </p><p>“Alright, I’ll be sure to take better notes than usual so you don’t miss a thing.”</p><p>Taxi lifted his hand from Br’aad’s shoulder, thereby lifting the “too gay to function” spell from his brain.</p><p>“Th-thanks,” he stammered out.</p><p>Being within five feet of Taxi activated all the stupid parts of his brain. All the parts of the brain that make you say “you too” when the person checking your ticket at the movie theater tells you to enjoy the movie cracked their knuckles and got right to work whenever Taxi got too close. There was something about the way Taxi bit his bottom lip ever-so-slightly when he smiled that turned the already not too smart Br’aad into a bumbling fool whenever he saw it. He had dumb gay bitch disease, and it was terminal. </p><p>Velrisa glanced between the two of them with an amused look on her face. She sighed a little, shaking her head gently, and went back to minding her own business; finishing off her lunch. </p><p>“What are you two doing for dinner after your biology lecture?” She asked innocently.</p><p>“Marko’s as usual, right?” Taxi asked, turning to Br’aad. </p><p>“Marko’s? Why not Harrington’s? I’ve heard it’s really nice there. Good view of the bay, good seafood too, Taxi.”</p><p>“Harrington’s is a little… fancy. Don’t you think? We’re just getting dinner.”</p><p>“Right. Mmhm. You should check it out, together,” she said matter-of-factly, her face betraying no emotions. </p><p>Harrington’s was a very nice restaurant. Br’aad had no idea why Velrisa would suggest they go there. It was way too nice for their post-lecture dinners, and way too expensive. It was the kind of restaurant you’d take someone you wanted to impress, the kind of restaurant you’d go to if both of you knew it was a date and both of you had dressed up very nice. </p><p>Shortly after Velrisa made her strange suggestion, the bells in the clock tower clanged in the distance, alerting everyone in the vicinity that it was 1:30, meaning it was time for the group to get moving.</p><p>“See you two later, I’ve got to get to class,” Velrisa said, starting to gather her dishes from the table. </p><p>The three of them cleaned up their table, gathered their things, and put their dishes in the carousel. Velrisa left quickly to make sure she would get to class on time (if not early), leaving Taxi and Br’aad alone in the vestibule. </p><p>“I’d best get back to my dorm to gather my things, I want to make sure my notes are legible!” Taxi said, smiling softly at Br’aad, doing that thing where he gently bit his bottom lip again. </p><p>“I’ve got nothing to do, so I’ll probably just play video games in my dorm until I’ve got to get going to class. See you in bio, Taxi,” Br’aad said, waving goodbye before the two turned and went their separate ways.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For the record, I think cranberry juice is good.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. the bio lecture</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter is a bit shorter than usual, do not worry the next one should be much longer.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Br’aad made it to class on time, despite the fact that he’d snoozed the alarm he’d set himself to remind him to leave on time one too many times. He paused in the doorway for a second, scanning the room for Taxi. He was sitting where he always was, but Br’aad still liked to check. He waved, but Taxi didn’t notice— he was looking over his notes from the last lecture. Br’aad then moved into the classroom to let the people still behind him get inside. He plonked down into the seat next to Taxi and reached into his backpack to retrieve his laptop. With his laptop halfway between the table and the ground, Br’aad looked up at Taxi, just to see him for a couple seconds longer. Having noticed Br’aad looking at him, Taxi looked up from his notes and smiled at him. That same smile, the smile that made Br’aad lose his fucking marbles. Br’aad almost dropped his laptop. Almost— just in time he managed to readjust his grip well enough to prevent it from hitting the ground. </p><p>“Are you alright?” Taxi asked, concern showing clearly on his face. </p><p>“I-I’m okay,” Br’aad stuttered as he carefully placed his laptop down on the desk. </p><p>He sat down and looked up at the whiteboard, opening his laptop as he did so. Cells. That was the only thing written on the whiteboard, and it was written in huge, imposing letters. His bio professor wasn’t very tall. He wondered how she’d written the word in such large letters so high up. Had she stood on a chair to write them? Maybe she’d asked another professor to help her. He glanced up at the clock in the upper right corner of his laptop screen. As Br’aad had contemplated the logistics of a 5’2” woman writing the word ‘cells’, sixteen minutes of the lecture had already passed. </p><p>Damn it! He should at least try to take notes. Sure, Taxi was taking notes and was going to go over them with him, but it felt better to at least try than to simply sit there and do nothing much for three straight hours. He opened a google doc and typed the word ‘cells’ into it. While trying his best to pay attention to the lecture, his mind drifted and he suddenly remembered that he hadn’t fed his Neopets that day. Yes, Br’aad still had a Neopets account. He took very good care of them. Even when he wasn’t taking care of himself, he made sure that his Neopets were well taken care of. He fed his Neopets, took care of his dailies, and then looked back at the clock again. It had been twenty-three minutes since he’d last checked. Twenty-three minutes of ‘just feeding his Neopets’ and twenty-three minutes of not paying attention to the lecture. He tried to tune back in. He listened to his professor go on and on for what felt like six thousand years. He checked the clock again. Less than ten minutes. He sunk down in his chair a bit. This was going to be a long lecture. </p><p>He glanced over at Taxi. Taxi was diligently taking notes. He would glance between the board and his notebook, scribble down a few words, read them over, erase them, and then rewrite them much slower in neater print. He spent a while longer just looking at Taxi, taking in his features. Some guys didn’t like it when you called them beautiful, but Taxi was breathtaking. His auburn hair falling into his eyes just a little bit as he wrote down more notes. His green eyes were gorgeous, a striking compliment to his tawny complexion. They were a rich green, like the forest after rain. His nose was broad, steeply sloping down his face, and gently setting the stage for his lips. They looked soft and full, and in that moment Br’aad wanted to kiss him more than he’d wanted anything in his entire life. Taxi glanced over at him, turning his face ever so slightly to meet his eye. </p><p>“What are you staring at?” He asked with an amused look.</p><p>“You,” Br’aad replied dreamily. </p><p>Realizing what he’d said, Br’aad blushed furiously and turned back to face his laptop. He didn’t see it, but Taxi blushed too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you can tell I’m a Real Neopets Gamer. If you are also a Real Neopets Gamer, feel free to neofriend me! My username is disastrouscoralcat.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. take a Cab</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey there, it’s been a bit longer between updates. That’s because my state has confirmed cases of coronavirus and schools have been closed for the next three weeks. These last few days have been insane, so I haven’t had the time or energy to devote to this. With school being cancelled/online I should have way more time in the coming weeks! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>At long last, the lecture was over. Br’aad shut off his laptop and placed it in his bag, being extra careful not to drop it this time. By the time he left the lecture hall, Taxi was already waiting for him in the hallway.</p><p>“Marko’s again?” Taxi asked.</p><p>“Do we ever go anywhere else?” Br’aad replied. </p><p>Taxi thought for a moment, and then said “no, now that I think about it we don’t. But with what Velrisa said-”</p><p>“Who cares about what Velrisa said?”</p><p>“Right.”</p><p>Br’aad hooked his arm around Taxi’s elbow, and the two of them walked down the hall and out of the building into the cold spring evening. It’d been much warmer at three-thirty, when the lecture had started, and Br’aad’s light spring coat was not up to the task of keeping him warm in 20° weather. Wordlessly, he huddled up to Taxi for warmth. Taxi glanced down at him, realized the situation, unzipped his coat, and wrapped the left side of it and his left arm around Br’aad, bringing them even closer as they walked to Marko’s.</p><p>As they walked, there was light cloud cover, the clouds were painted a pale peach by the rays of the setting sun. The sky was just starting to turn a light orange, the shadows started to drag along the pavement. They made their way through town, watching street lights blink on a bit too early. Despite it being late March, some stores still hadn’t taken down their Christmas lights. Not that Br’aad minded, it made their walk a bit more magical, a bit more romantic. Maybe that’s why the stores were so reluctant to take the lights down. They added some unquantifiable element to the air that would be lost with their absence, injecting an element of fantasy to an otherwise mundane landscape. </p><p>Marko’s was a small restaurant near but not on campus. It was usually pretty empty around the time Taxi and Br’aad were there, being most busy around lunch and breakfast. They were famous for their breakfast, but Br’aad was never awake early enough to actually get breakfast there. He’d always wanted to, but even on the rare occasion that he was awake early enough the timing never worked out. </p><p>It wasn’t a very far walk, but the cold made it seem like an eternity. Sure, they could have stopped by Br’aad’s dorm to get a more suitable coat, but then Taxi wouldn’t have to hold him like he was, and both of them knew that they really didn’t want to stop that from happening, but neither of them said a word about it. When they arrived and opened the door, the doorbell sang it’s little death rattle. </p><p>“When are you going to fix that, Tory? It’s been months! At this point I’ll just kill the thing myself,” Br’aad called back to the owner as he came in. </p><p>“I’ll get around to it, I’ll get around to it,” Tory called back from behind the counter. </p><p>“Uh-huh, you’ve been saying that for months now!”</p><p>“If you care about it so much why don’t you hire the repair guy, eh? Just sit down.”</p><p>“My brother works in construction, he’s gotta know an electrician that owes him a favor. I could call him for you.”</p><p>Taxi and Br’aad sat down at their usual table, and a waitress they hadn’t seen before set glasses of water down in front of them. She looked a bit nervous, her apron was tied hastily, and straws were on the edge of spilling out of the pocket on the front of her apron. She didn’t seem to notice. She pulled her notepad out of the leftmost pocket of her apron and her pen out from behind her ear. </p><p>“Don’t bother yourself, Patience. I know what they want,” Tory called out from behind the counter, already walking towards the kitchens. </p><p>Tory was an older fellow, somewhere in his early seventies. A bit short, a bit too old for this, but his dedication was unmatched. He knew every regular’s name and order by heart, and if he could, he knew everything that was going on with them. Sometimes, people would ask him why he’d named the restaurant “Marko’s” instead of naming it after himself, that always got an earful. See, “Tory’s” sounds too much like Tories, and no one wants to sound like a Tory. Most Americans didn’t really know or care about British politics, so it wasn’t very often that people got the joke. </p><p>After the waitress left, Taxi and Br’aad had a few precious minutes to themselves. There were no other patrons in the restaurant, Tory was chatting with the chef, and the waitress had gone off to do up more place settings. It was just the two of them, squeezed next to each other in a too-narrow booth, despite the fact that one of them could have easily sat on the other side of the table. It was nice to be pressed so close. Br’aad, still cold from the walk from campus really appreciated being close against the warmth of Taxi’s body. Despite the fact that they were alone, that they could say anything they wanted, they chose to say nothing. They sat together in silence, watching the sun set out the window. There was no point in looking at the menu, they’d already known what they’d wanted to order. Br’aad focused on the feeling of Taxi’s breathing against his body, the fact that Taxi’s arm was still wrapped around him, and the gentle ambiance of the restaurant. </p><p>Marko’s wasn’t a particularly large restaurant, it wasn’t designed to accommodate the rush it experienced at breakfast and lunch. There were half a dozen booths, a few bar seats, and a few tables towards the back near the bathrooms. The seats of the booths were cracked and worn from use over the years, the tables wobbled, and the menus were very early 2000’s. It was clear that it had been some time since things had been updated. But it was cheap, never very busy, and the owner was a great dude, so none of these things ever bothered Taxi and Br’aad. </p><p>Patience, the waitress, set their meals down on the table, but not in front of them as she didn’t know which meal corresponded to which person, or if they simply shared both. She stepped back a bit, but didn’t turn to leave. Instead, she glanced between them and then looked each of them up and down. She tilted her head to the side a bit, put her index finger against her lips, and raised her eyebrows. Taxi and Br’aad exchanged a confused glance. </p><p>Finally, she asked a question, “do you two realize there’s booths with wider seats?”</p><p>Br’aad knew she was going to ask a question, but whatever question he thought she was going to ask, it wasn’t that question. </p><p>“I mean, it looks like you’re going to fall out of the seat. You could easily just move to a wider booth. Maybe a table?” She continued. </p><p>Frankly, neither of them had ever considered just sitting at a wider booth. This was the seat they’d been given when they’d come in the first time, and it had never crossed their minds to simply change tables. Another look was shared, and in that moment they both realized that they had never sat somewhere else, and that they were never going to. This was their seat, it had been given to them and they were not about to reject that gift. Did the table tilt to the left a bit too heavily? Yes, it did. Was the seat a bit too narrow to fit both of them comfortably? Absolutely, Br’aad constantly felt like he was just on the edge of teetering out of the seat. Were the seats in this booth substantially worse than the seats in literally any of the other booths? Debatable, but it certainly seemed so. Was that kind of their fault? Who could say, really? Sure, they probably put unnecessary additional stress on the already stressed seats, but it wasn’t like a bunch of other patrons didn’t come and sit in this very seat every day. </p><p>“I suppose we never bothered to change seats,” Taxi said, gazing contemplatively in the general direction of the waitress, “we’ve kind of just always sat here.”</p><p>The waitress shrugged her shoulders, shook her head a little bit, and walked back behind the counter.</p><p>After the two of them had started their meals, Br’aad turned to Taxi and asked him a question, “Taxi, when do you want to go over your bio notes? You said you wanted to help me with them but you didn’t really say when and so I’m just-”</p><p>Taxi interrupted Br’aad’s rambling, “we could go over them now, if you’re feeling like you’d be able to process them. If you’re not, we could talk about them over lunch tomorrow?” </p><p>Br’aad thought for a minute. Sure, he’d probably be able to technically understand what they meant, but would he be able to “process them”? He leaned back a bit in the booth, rubbing the edges of his pinky nail with his thumb. Unfortunately, Br’aad’s thought process was thoroughly interrupted when the doorbell screamed to announce the entrance of another person. Occasionally, other people would enter the restaurant. Usually around the time Taxi and Br’aad were leaving, a few people would start to filter in. Usually the same couple of people, very rarely would someone come in that Br’aad had never seen before. But that’s exactly what happened tonight. </p><p>Something about this man made Br’aad uncomfortable. He was tall, Br’aad couldn’t tell exactly how tall, but he was almost definitely taller than him. His hair was a slightly blue-toned silver, part of it braided in two short braids, one in front of each ear, the rest hanging loosely just above his shoulders. Frankly, he was gorgeous. His hands resting casually in the pockets of his jacket, he gave off an aloof aura. He didn’t seem to notice them at first, but when his eyes flitted over to the two of them, they stopped on Taxi and he smirked, running his tongue over his front teeth and chuckling a bit to himself. Taxi seemed nervous in the presence of this man, refusing to so much as look at him. Br’aad was confused, as was usual for him. He glanced between Taxi and this stranger, trying to discern what was going on between them. </p><p>The man strutted up to their table, a confident air surrounding him as he placed his left hand down on their table and leaned his hip against it. The table squeaked quietly at the unanticipated weight. The stranger glanced quickly at Br’aad, but then turned his gaze to Taxi. </p><p>“Didn’t expect to see <i>you</i> here,” he said with a flirtatious lilt to his voice. </p><p>Taxi shifted uncomfortably next to Br’aad, “didn’t expect to see you here either,” he said, nervously scratching the back of his head and avoiding eye contact with the man who was very much trying to make eye contact with him. </p><p>“Who’s this? Not your boyfriend, I hope,” he paused for a moment, eyeing Br’aad, “that’d be awkward to explain.” </p><p>Br’aad looked at Taxi, still confused at what the hell was going on. Who was this guy? What the fuck was he talking about? Why would it be awkward to explain specifically if Taxi was his boyfriend? </p><p>“He’s not my boyfriend. What are you doing here, Cabin?” Taxi said, finally looking the man, <i>Cabin</i>, in the face. </p><p>“Ouch. I told you, you can call me Cab. You know, since we’ve fucked and all. No need to be so formal.”</p><p>Oh, okay. That’s what was going on. Taxi had fucked this guy, “Cab”. Br’aad’s jaw tightened and he glared down at the table. Under the table, he could feel his fingernails digging into his palms as his hands balled into fists. </p><p>Taxi looked visibly uncomfortable, glancing around the restaurant, hoping no one had heard Cab loudly announcing his very personal life to the entire restaurant. </p><p>Much to Taxi’s embarrassment, Cab kept on talking, “you know, Taxi, if you ever wanted a reprise, I’m free Saturday.”</p><p>Taxi turned a deep russet-red and opened and closed his mouth several times, shocked into silence by Cab’s flirting.</p><p>All he could manage to say was an array of uhs, ums, and a very quiet “I think I’m alright.”</p><p>Br’aad started to breathe heavily, he was about to lose his fucking shit. He couldn’t think of a time he’d felt angrier in his entire life. He was shaking with rage, clenching his jaw so hard it felt like his teeth would shatter at the pressure. The thought of this fucking gorgeous man and Taxi together drove him insane. If Taxi was fucking guys that goddamned hot Br’aad had exactly zero chance with him. It was completely irrational to be this angry, and it was completely irrational to assume that Taxi was that shallow, but it still made him feel like he was going to explode. </p><p>Cab looked Br’aad up and down, analyzing his reaction, “looks like I’ve really stepped in something here, huh?”</p><p>That little comment drove Br’aad right over the edge, like a train plowing ever forward towards a bridge that was no longer there. </p><p>“<i>Shut <b>up!</b></i>” He shouted, slamming his balled fists on the table. </p><p>Tears dripped onto the wood of the table, he hadn’t realized he’d been crying. He started to hyperventilate. He needed to leave, now. </p><p>“Ohh, I <i>definitely</i> see what’s going on here. Yikes, my bad,” Cab said, backing up to give Br’aad room to leave.</p><p>“Shut up! <i>Shut up, shut up, shut! Up!</i>”</p><p>Br’aad grabbed fistfulls of his hair and started to sob uncontrollably. This was bad, this was really bad. He’d had meltdowns before, but never this intense and never this public. He had to get the hell out of here and find somewhere private where he could calm down. Somewhere he wouldn’t have to look at Taxi and that fucking gorgeous man he’d slept with. He started to stand up to leave, but Taxi gently grabbed his arm. Instinctually, he wrenched his arm out of Taxi’s gentle grasp. Everything was too much, he absolutely couldn’t handle being touched right now. </p><p>“Don’t <i>fucking</i> touch me!” </p><p>“Sorry, I’m so sorry,” Taxi said, pulling his arm back against his chest. </p><p>Br’aad didn’t hear him, he was thoroughly freaking the fuck out. It felt like the universe was crashing down around him, everything was too fucking loud, he just needed everything to stop for a minute, he needed everyone to shut the fuck up and disappear. The street would be loud, cars zipping up and down the road, making monstrous noise with their engines as they plowed inconsiderately past. They didn’t know or care how much Br’aad needed things to be quiet. Despite the looming threat of car sounds, he pushed past Cab and ran out of the building and down the street. He bumped into people as he ran, barely noticing their presence as everything screamed and buzzed around him. It was all too much. Each sound was another circle of hell, each bright light like a knife to his eyeballs. He’d loved the remaining Christmas lights on the way there, but he hated them now. </p><p>Finally, his frantic path crossed with a public park. It was too far to run back to campus, and that risked people seeing him in this state. He collapsed against a tree in the park, curled into a ball with his hands clamped firmly over his ears to block out any noise. It was cold, really cold. Now that the sun had gone down the ground and the air were freezing. His entire body shook, both from the cold and because he was still crying. </p><p>With the quiet and the privacy of the park, he slowly but surely started to calm down. He stopped hyperventilating, his lungs still hurt from running, but his breathing steadied. His frantic crying subsided to the occasional sniffle, he wiped his nose on the sleeve of his jacket. It was a little bit gross, but it was substantially less gross than just walking around like that. He thought about calling Sylnan, but he’d probably still be at work and he didn’t want to bother him. Of course Sylnan would never find Br’aad calling to be bothersome, but Br’aad was a bit of a wreck and wasn’t exactly thinking clearly. After he’d calmed down to the point where he felt like he was willing to be seen in public, he pulled out his phone and figured out where the fuck he actually was. He hadn’t really been thinking any thoughts at all as he’d run, so he had no idea where he was or how to get back to campus. As luck would have it, he wasn’t actually all that far from campus so he picked himself up and began to walk back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>@ Cab fans sorry I made him out to be a bit of an asshole in this. </p><p>Also I am projecting... way too hard. That’s okay though. Who doesn’t?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. a very unfortunate realization</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I would just like to thank everyone for all the nice comments! I read them all &amp; get super fuckin' excited every single time. It’s been a bit longer between updates than I would have liked, hopefully you won’t have to wait so long next time. :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Br’aad was over feeling like shit, he just wanted to forget everything that had happened earlier that evening and pretend that it had never happened. He could feel how knotted his hair was, his cheeks were covered in dried tears, and his clothes were dirty and damp. He was still miserable, but that miserable had cooled down to a thick coat of rage. He was so fucking furious that he hardly registered that he was sad anymore. </p><p>He took a deep breath before he unlocked his dorm room door, fully prepared for his roommate to make some snide comment about his appearance. He wasn’t prone to being an asshole, but after that evening Br’aad had to be prepared for anything. Thinking back to Marko’s made his stomach turn. He pushed the feeling down, now was not the time. As he pushed the door open, his roommate glanced up at him from the chair at his desk. He looked taken aback by Br’aad’s appearance. </p><p>“That bad, huh?” </p><p>“What… happened to you?” His roommate asked, obviously concerned. </p><p>Instead of answering the question, Br’aad plopped down in the chair at his own desk, pulling a hairbrush out of one of the desk drawers. </p><p>“I know it’s not really your style, but I’m going to a frat party tonight, maybe it’ll help you forget whatever happened,” his roommate offered. </p><p>Getting drunk? On a thursday?? At a <i>frat party</i>??? All of these were horrible ideas. However, Br’aad was prone to enthusiastically following along with horrible ideas, especially tonight. That, and Taxi would absolutely hate it. The idea of making Taxi mad was very appealing to Br’aad. He was no stranger to riling up Taxi on purpose, but tonight it meant a bit more. He wanted to make Taxi as mad as Taxi had made him. This was not a mature way to deal with his problems, but when had he ever concerned himself with mature ways to deal with his problems!? That was what Taxi was for. </p><p>… <i>Taxi</i>. </p><p>He tried not to think about it. </p><p>“I’m in. Let me get changed first, I need to get out of these dirty clothes,” Br’aad said to his roommate after a moment of contemplation. </p><p>He could afford to skip his Friday class anyways, it was just business, and who gave a single fuck about business? </p><p>He placed the hairbrush he’d picked up down on the top of his desk and rummaged in his wardrobe for a change of clothes. Something nice, but not too nice. Frat party guys wouldn’t properly appreciate an outfit that was too nice, and Br’aad wanted nothing more than to be properly appreciated. He didn’t want to take too much time deciding as his roommate was already ready to go. He chose the first decent shirt and pair of pants that he saw and took those (along with the hairbrush) into the shared bathroom with him. </p><p>He tried to change quickly, but his hair was going to take some time. Br’aad prided himself on his hair, and he worked very hard to make sure it looked good. Right now, it looked terrible. He shuddered as he looked in the mirror. Grabbing fistfulls of your hair and pulling at it by the roots was generally seen as not very good for your hair. Fortunately, Br’aad was nowhere near strong enough to pull any of it out in large clumps by doing that, but it had certainly snapped a fair number of strands. Nevertheless, he had a mistake to make, so he got to work slowly detangling his hair. Slowly brushing out knots, working tip to root to be as gentle on his hair as possible. </p><p>After he had finished, he walked back into his dorm to put his hairbrush away. His roommate looked him up and down and gave him an approving nod. </p><p>“You ready to get out of here?”</p><p>Br’aad ruffled his hair, “oh yeah, I’m ready.”</p><p>Ready to fuck shit up way more than shit was already fucked up. </p><p>It didn’t take long to walk to the frat house, and even though Br’aad hadn’t brought a coat he didn’t feel cold. Maybe it was because he’d been so cold earlier that it didn’t phase him, maybe it was sheer determination, or maybe it was the fact that no matter how much he wanted to; he couldn’t stop thinking about earlier. When the inside of you feels like it’s been dunked in an ice bath, it’s hard for the outside to feel any colder. </p><p>The party was loud, Br’aad could feel the music in his chest from outside. Before he even stepped inside, he could tell it was going to be absolute hell in there. When he did step inside, his assertions were confirmed. It was hell on earth. Loud, jam packed with people, and it smelled strongly of stale beer and body odor. It didn’t matter, all he needed to do was get as drunk as he could and everything would just go away. There was almost no way that was going to work, but he didn’t care. </p><p>He shoved through the crowds and towards the nearest source of alcohol he could find. It didn’t matter what it was, just that it was available. The nearest thing happened to be beer. Cheap, shitty beer. It was a frat party, why would it have been anything else? Even though the taste of it made him physically recoil, he still downed the entire cup as quickly as he could. </p><p>Someone nearby cheered, Br’aad turned to face him. He raised both of his fists in the air excitedly. He had mid-length brown hair, cropped between his ears and his shoulders. He was wearing sunglasses. Inside. Br’aad was looking to get back at Taxi, but though this guy was cute, it was obvious even to Br’aad that he was heavily intoxicated. Br’aad gave the guy a somewhat confused thumbs up and the guy gestured towards the keg again. His lips moved, but it was way too loud to hear anything he was saying. Based on the gesture, he wanted Br’aad to have another beer. He didn’t need to be told twice. </p><p>Br’aad was a lightweight. In the past he’d dabbled with mixed drinks, and once he’d taken a sip of Sylnan’s whiskey. It was awful, why do people drink whiskey on purpose? The last time he’d had any alcohol at all was on his twenty-first birthday, he ordered a martini he didn’t finish when he and Sylnan went out to celebrate. What did this mean, exactly? It meant that after two and a half beers in quick succession, he was feeling very wobbly. </p><p>He hadn’t been at the party for very long, maybe a bit less than an hour. He wasn’t sure. The other half of his third beer was lost somewhere along the way, and his encouraging and very drunk companion had long abandoned him. His roommate was nowhere to be seen. Surrounded by people he didn’t know, Br’aad suddenly felt very lonely. </p><p>There was a couch in what he assumed was the living room, it was hard to tell what each room was with all the people in the way. He kind of wanted to drink more, he still felt no better about the events from earlier that evening, but he needed to sit down. He felt dizzy. He sat down on the couch, leaving ample space between himself and the conversation happening at the other end of the couch. He was sure it was very interesting, and had he not been so drunk he would have joined them, but he needed to take a moment to collect himself. His original plan was to go to the bathroom and sit down in there as it was much quieter, but someone had made quite the mess of it. </p><p>After a few minutes of sitting by himself, trying to gather his thoughts, his roommate sat down next to him. He looked mostly the same that he had when they’d first gotten to the party. His clothes were a bit more wrinkled, and his hair was a bit messed up, but he didn’t seem to have gotten as drunk as Br’aad had. If he had, he certainly didn’t show it.</p><p>“You doing alright?” His roommate asked. </p><p>Clearly Br’aad looked worse off than he thought he did. </p><p>“I think I’m okay,” Br’aad said uncertainly. </p><p>His roommate nodded, and he placed his hand on Br’aad’s thigh. His left hand, on Br’aad’s upper left thigh. Br’aad very suddenly noticed how close his roommate had gotten to him, and how easy it would have been to close the gap. Not that he wanted to. Maybe he wanted to? He didn’t think so, but there was a not-insignificant part of his brain that was telling him to go for it. The rest of his brain was screaming at him not to, and that this was totally fucked and the exact last thing he wanted. </p><p>He didn’t get the opportunity to think about it any longer. His roommate’s lips unceremoniously collided with his. Feeling his roommates lips mashed against his and his hands ungracefully pawing at his hair, he tensed up immediately. Yep, he absolutely didn’t want this. This was the worst, the absolute fucking worst. Holy shit. Instinctually, he shoved his roommate away from him as hard as he could.</p><p>“I- What- What the <i>fuck</i>!?”</p><p>“Sorry, you just- you know I’ve just always thought you were so fucking hot. You know I can’t resist a guy like you. Long hair, you know, it just really does it for me,” his roommate said flirtatiously, clearly not getting the signs that his attention was wholly unwanted.</p><p>“Oh my god, shut up! I- you thought <i>now</i> was the right time!?”</p><p>“No time like the present?”</p><p>“You know, I genuinely thought you gave at least kind of a shit about me, I guess all you care about is your fucking dick.”</p><p>His roommate started a rebuttal, but Br’aad shot that down immediately.</p><p>“No! You know what? I don’t wanna fucking hear it! I’m getting out of here!”</p><p>Br’aad shoved his roommate the rest of the way off of him, stood up, and immediately came to a very unfortunate realization. He couldn’t exactly go back to his dorm to cool off, his roommate would come crawling back in in a matter of a few hours. His immediate next thought was to call Taxi and ask if he could stay the night in his and Velrisa’s spare room, but ah, shit. <i>Taxi</i>. He really wasn’t in the mood to see Taxi right now. He wasn’t in the mood to <i>rely</i> on Taxi. </p><p>Sylnan. Of course, Sylnan. Sure, he lives almost an hour away and it’s almost 1 am, but he’s Sylnan. Of course he’ll be awake, and of course he’d come pick Br’aad up. He was his brother for fucks sake. Br’aad pushed his way through the throng and out the front door. It was way quieter out there, but he could still feel the house vibrating from the music. He sat down on the porch and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He shot Sylnan a quick text, a simple phone emoji, and left it at that. That was all they needed, a couple emojis here and there. What you couldn’t communicate with emoji probably needed a phone call anyways. </p><p>He put his phone away and sat there silently for a few moments, feeling the music vibrate the old wood. Alone and cold again, he pulled his legs close to his chest and started to cry. Not from the overwhelming ocean of sound, people, touch, and smells, but from how goddamn tired he was of things turning to shit. Why the fuck had his roommate decided <i>now</i> was the time to make a move? Couldn’t he tell how emotionally fucked up he was, how drunk he was? He was a lot drunker than he’d previously thought— being alone outside made him realize exactly how drunk he was. He’d never been this drunk before— it was awful. His head was swimming, he could barely come up with clear thoughts. All he wanted to do was curl up into a ball and sob. </p><p>His phone rang. Sylnan. He picked it up immediately.</p><p>“Br’aad, are you alright? What’s going on?”</p><p>“No, I’m not. I’m- I need you to come pick me up. I went to a party, and my roommate, he- he kissed me, and I didn’t- I-I just- I can’t-”</p><p>“Hey, hey, you’re okay, okay? I’ll be there as soon as I can. It’ll take me a while, but I’ll be there.”</p><p>“I don’t know what to do, Sylnan, I don’t know what to do.”</p><p>“I’m coming, where are you? Do you need anything? A coat? A pillow for the car ride home? Snacks?”</p><p>“I’ll send you my location, you can click on it and i-it’ll give you directions. There’s pictures along with the words, you’ll be able to figure it out-”</p><p>“I’ve used maps before. I’ll be there, I’ll be there. Really, do you need anything? I’m not out the door yet, still getting my coat on, I could bring you a stuffed animal from your bedroom if you need it.”</p><p>“Please.”</p><p>“Of course. I’ll be right there, avoid him, but don’t go too far or I won’t be able to find you. Do you need me to stay on the phone with you?”</p><p>“I think I’ll be okay.”</p><p>“Okay, I love you, see you as soon as I can. Call me if anything changes.”</p><p>“I will, I love you.”</p><p>And with that, the phone call was over, and Br’aad was alone again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry this took so long to come out! :( I had a lot of schoolwork to do. This chapter is a bit shorter, but the next one will hopefully be out soon. Don’t wanna leave y’all hanging too long.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The wait was a difficult one. It was freezing, and Br’aad couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. Over and over on a loop in his brain were the horrifying moments right before his roommate had smashed his lips against Br’aad’s, the feeling of his unshaved cheek against his face, and the horrifying realization that his roommate actually didn’t care about him as a person that much and probably only wanted to get into his pants. </p><p>He sat there for just under an hour, but it felt like a thousand years. Finally, Sylnan’s red sedan pulled up in front of the frat house. The car had barely stopped when the driver’s side door flew open. Sylnan came running up to Br’aad, stopping just in front of him. </p><p>“Can I give you a hug?” He asked, concern in his voice. </p><p>“Of course,” Br’aad replied, outstretching his arms. </p><p>Sylnan wrapped Br’aad in a tight hug. Br’aad, feeling the comfort of his older brother’s embrace, started to cry all over again. Heaving sobs and gentle hiccups shook his shoulders as he let out all the misery of the last 24 hours into his brother’s shoulder. It was going to be okay, it was all going to be okay now that Sylnan was here. </p><p>“Hey, you’re okay. I brought you fruit snacks,” Sylnan said, temporarily removing his right arm from around Br’aad to root around in his jacket pocket. </p><p>“Th-thank you.”</p><p>“Let’s get you home, okay? Unless you need a minute. That’s okay too.”</p><p>“I don’t wanna be here anymore. I wanna go home.”</p><p>Sylnan helped Br’aad up and walked him to the passenger seat, buckling his seatbelt for him.</p><p>“I can buckle my own seatbelt, Syl, I’m not a kid anymore.”</p><p>“I know, I know.”</p><p>Sylnan reached behind Br’aad into the back seat and then dropped a stuffed lamb on his lap. </p><p>“I wasn’t sure which one to bring, but I thought Lamby would be a safe bet.” </p><p>Br’aad looked down at the stuffed sheep and smiled softly. Tentatively, he picked it up and held it close to his chest, burying his face in it’s worn fur. Sylnan gently patted Br’aad on the shoulder and gently closed the passenger side door. He’d never bothered to close the driver’s side door, so it was still wide open. He sat down in the car, closed the door, buckled his seatbelt, and looked over at Br’aad. It had been hard for Br’aad to be separated from his brother, but knowing he’d always be able to come back home made it easier. </p><p>Br’aad was exhausted. It’d been a long day, and a good portion of it had been spent crying.  Br’aad drifted gently to sleep, passing streetlights briefly offering shots of warm light in the darkness. Sylnan made sure to play something gentle on the car ride back to their apartment. Even though Br’aad technically lived on campus, Sylnan’s apartment would always be his apartment too. The two of them needed each other. </p><p>It was pushing 3 am by the time that Sylnan parked in front of their apartment building. He turned the car off and sat there in silence for a bit. The street lamp in front of the building buzzed and flickered slightly, as it had for months. It bathed the car in a dull, orange light. A familiar light, something nostalgic that felt like home. Just enough light to see by, but not enough for much else. Sylnan unbuckled his seatbelt and gently shook Br’aad awake, leaning slightly over the center console. Br’aad blinked awake, looking over at Sylnan and giving him a gentle smile.</p><p>“Home,” he mumbled sleepily. </p><p>“Yeah, home. Lemme help you out of the car.”</p><p>Sylnan stepped out of the car, closed the door behind him, walked over to the passenger door, and opened it. </p><p>“I don’t need your help Syl. I’m an adult, I think I can get out of a car by myself.”</p><p>“You’re a drunk adult, now let me help you.”</p><p>Br’aad sighed. Sylnan was right, of course. With the stuffed lamb tucked firmly under his left arm, he reached his right arm out to let Sylnan help him up. Sylnan draped Br’aad’s right arm over his shoulder, closing the car door with his foot. Sylnan helped Br’aad to the front door of the apartment complex, stopping for a moment to dig through his pants pockets for the door key. It was a bit hard to get Br’aad up the stairs, he was still very drunk and Sylnan was trying to be as quiet as possible as to not annoy the neighbors too much. Eventually, they made it to the third-floor apartment that the two of them had shared for the past five years. </p><p>It was dark in the apartment, the light from the streetlights outside coming in through the grungy kitchen window offering the only illumination. Sylnan guided Br’aad down the hall and into his bedroom just to the left. Sylnan sat him down on his bed and went to leave, but just as he was about to Br’aad stopped him.  </p><p>“Sylnan?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Would you be mad if I told you I hate business?”</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. I just want you to be happy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey, updates for this are probably gonna start being a bit longer as I take AP tests &amp; stuff.<br/>On the bright side, I’ve made a Spotify playlist for this fic! :) The songs aren’t in any particular order, and it’s definitely not done but here’s the <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7CL6Qdf6meqyYIVAQQwTNK?si=7WDr-pJRTUKR7O5EqxYiAw">link</a>!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sylnan turned back around to look at Br’aad, and upon seeing the seriousness of the expression on his brother’s face, walked away from the door and sat down next to him.</p><p>“No, Br’aad, of course I won’t be mad at you for hating business.”</p><p>“But it’ll cost you so much money for me to switch majors, and I totally wasted my time trying to just force myself through it, and now I won’t graduate on time, and… and…”</p><p>For what felt like the thousandth time that day, Br’aad began to cry. Sylnan wrapped Br’aad in a tight hug.</p><p>“Hey, hey, it’s fine. It’s okay. I’ll figure it out.”</p><p>“I just wanted to help you. I just wanted to do something that would be helpful, but I fucked it up. I always just fuck everything up.” </p><p>“Hey, don’t say that. Do you want to talk about this when you’re sober? You’re not doing too good right now,” Sylnan placed a hand on Br’aad’s shoulder. </p><p>“No, I need to talk about this right now or I don’t think I will ever again.”</p><p>“Okay. Do you know what you want to do instead? Or do you need to take a break?”</p><p>“I really like music, I’ve taken a couple music classes, they were really fun, my academic advisor said I should just switch. But-” </p><p>Br’aad ran both of his hands through his hair and hunched forward. </p><p>“That’s fine with me. Whatever you want to do is okay with me, Br’aad. I just want you to be happy. You hate business? That’s fine, you’re fine. If music makes you happy, study music.”</p><p>“But Sylnan the money-”</p><p>“We’ll figure it out.” </p><p>“If I study music I won’t make as much as-”</p><p>“It’s okay, I promise.” </p><p>“But-”</p><p>“We’re gonna be okay. We’ve always been able to make it work.”</p><p>“But what if this time we don’t?”</p><p>“We will. We always have.” </p><p>Br’aad rested his head on Sylnan’s shoulder. The two sat there in silence for a while. It was dark in Br’aad’s room. Dark and quiet. The dark was comforting, wrapping around Br’aad like a blanket. He found himself beginning to nod off as the exhaustion took hold of him. Being woken up by his roommate’s alarm that morning felt like so long ago now, so much had happened. Sylnan removed his arm from around Br’aad’s shoulder and stood up slowly. Again, he went to leave. </p><p>“You shouldn’t sleep in those clothes, you’ll be uncomfortable all night,” Sylnan said just before he left, leaving Br’aad’s door open just a crack. </p><p>Br’aad looked down at his clothes. He was almost too tired to care at that point, but Sylnan was right. It’d be harder to sleep in his clothes, so he took them off. He clawed his way under his covers, falling asleep nearly instantly. It had been a hell of a day. One of the worst days of his life, definitely. He’d had a lot of bad days, but this one was definitely up there. It was hard to give it the crown of ‘worst day of his life’, but it landed somewhere in the top ten, no contest. </p><p>The next day didn’t start much better. His head was screaming, the light coming through his window wasn’t helping. Br’aad had never been hungover before, and he desperately hoped he would never be hungover again. </p><p>He could hear distant voices from the kitchen; Sylnan and a deeper, gruffer voice he barely recognized. He stood up slowly, reluctantly dragging himself out of bed. It was cold in the apartment. It was always cold in the apartment, even in the summer. Br’aad rummaged around in his dresser for a bit and put on a pair of pyjamas. It was certainly warmer in the apartment when he was in more than just his boxers. </p><p>He ran his right hand through his hair, checking to see how tangled it was. It wasn’t too horrible, certainly not as bad as after Marko’s, but it still needed to be brushed. There was someone who wasn’t Sylnan in the house, he didn’t want to look too unkempt. Despite how horrible he felt, he wasn’t willing to sacrifice his appearance for a marginal amount of comfort, it’d be more comfortable in the long run anyways. </p><p>His phone buzzed repeatedly on the nightstand. It was like driving hot nails right into his temples, he desperately fumbled with it, doing anything to make the awful sound stop. It was his roommate. <i>Ugh</i>. Br’aad absolutely did <i>not</i> want to talk to that guy. Fumbling about, he eventually managed to decline the incoming call. As the screen displayed his lockscreen once more, his phone informed him that he had twenty-two missed calls. </p><p><i>Twenty-two</i>? </p><p>Br’aad unlocked his phone. It was fully charged, Sylnan must have plugged it in last night. He had 56 unread text messages. How many of those were from his roommate? He didn’t want to know, but he had to know. Hesitantly, he opened his messages app. To his relief and surprise, most of the unread text messages weren’t from his roommate. They were, however, mostly from Taxi. </p><p>A pit of guilt formed in his stomach. He’d just left, ran off crying into the night. He hadn’t thought for even a moment about how that would make Taxi feel. How could he do that to his best friend? He sank to the floor, frantically reading all the text messages that Taxi had left him. </p><p>7:57:<br/>
<i>Are you alright?</i></p><p>8:03:<br/>
<i>Br’aad?</i></p><p>8:11:<br/>
<i>Br’aad, I’m really sorry. I had no idea he’d be there. I should have shut him down, done something. Anything, but I just froze. Please text me back whenever you can. I need to know that you’re alright.<br/>
I tried to run after you but I don’t know which way you went. </i></p><p>Br’aad almost couldn’t bear to read the rest of them. He scrolled through the rest of them, his eyes settling on the latest message. </p><p>2:12 am:<br/>
<i>Please be alright. please</i></p><p>Tears welled up in Br’aad’s eyes. He felt like a real piece of shit reading over those texts. He didn’t know what to say. There was so much he had to say and so much he was supposed to say but he had no idea what any of those things were. He just stared at his phone until the screen went black, horrified at his own behavior. He couldn’t just say nothing. He’d said nothing for over twelve hours, and each of those hours had been torture for Taxi. He opened his phone and sent the only thing he could think to say. </p><p>1:32 pm:<br/>
<i>i’m ok &amp; i’m sorry</i></p><p>Immediately, the familiar three little dots appeared at the bottom left of the screen, and then they disappeared, and appeared again, then disappeared. It took Taxi a long time to find the right words to say. </p><p>1:34:<br/>
<i>I’m glad you’re safe. Do you want to talk about it?</i></p><p>1:34:<br/>
<i>no. i can't now. i’m sorry taxi. i’m so sorry</i></p><p>1:35:<br/>
<i>As long as you’re safe.</i></p><p>There was nothing left to say. Br’aad picked himself up off of the floor. Slowly, he reached into his nightstand and grabbed the hot pink hairbrush from inside it. As he ran it slowly and gently through his hair, his mind raced. What more could he say to Taxi? Why had he been so mad at him in the first place? Jealousy. He was jealous. So incomprehensibly jealous that he couldn’t deal with it. He couldn’t deal with the depths of his own jealousy so he displaced the rage he felt towards himself onto Taxi. It wasn’t fair to Taxi. He hadn’t done anything wrong. His stomach turned the more he thought about it. </p><p>He dropped the hairbrush down onto the nightstand, not bothering to put it away properly. He tried to tamp down the feeling. He was hungry, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten. He needed to get himself something to eat, maybe a glass of water would help his hangover some as well. </p><p>Br’aad stepped into the hallway and craned his neck to try and get a look into the kitchen. Sylnan was in there, and so was that voice he almost recognized. It was a lot deeper than Sylnan’s voice, and a lot harsher. Whoever it was was probably just one of Sylnan’s coworkers, no one who couldn’t see Br’aad in his pyjamas. He walked into the kitchen, headed towards the fridge. Immediately, he recognized the man sitting across the kitchen table from Synlan. </p><p>“Br’aad! Good to see you! How have you been?” </p><p>Mountain. It was always good to see him, but oh man was his voice loud. Pain shot through Br’aad’s skull. </p><p>“Mountain! Hey,” Br’aad said, massaging his right temple. </p><p>“You alright there Br’aad?” Mountain asked, lowering the volume of his voice significantly. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m fine, just, uh-”</p><p>“Hungover?” Sylnan chimed in.</p><p>“Hungover? Br’aad, I thought you didn’t drink.”</p><p>“I usually don’t, but last night I thought I would. Big mistake.”</p><p>“Sorry to hear that. I’ll try and be quieter for you.”</p><p>“Thank you, Mountain. That’s really nice of you.”</p><p>“Other than that, how’ve you been? I haven’t seen much of you since you’ve been at Lake Michigan.”</p><p>“Oh I’m fine, things have been-” he thought about everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours “-uh. Alright.” </p><p>“Good to hear. You know, one thing that I used to do when I had a hangover was I would eat ginger. Raw ginger. Made it go away real quick.” </p><p>“That sounds terrible, Mountain.” Br’aad said as he opened the fridge, looking around for something simple to eat for… what meal was this, technically? Breakfast? Lunch? </p><p>“It was, but it worked!”</p><p>“I’m not doing that.” </p><p>Br’aad grabbed a carton of strawberries out of the fridge, placing it gently on the counter. Red liquid dripped out of the bottom of the container, it was clear that these strawberries had been in there for way too long. Br’aad recoiled. </p><p>“Sylnan, how long have these strawberries been in the fridge? I think they’re old enough to vote at this point.” </p><p>“There’s strawberries in there?”</p><p>A lot of the fresh fruit and vegetables in the fridge were there for Br’aad’s sake. Since Katerine had died, Sylnan hadn’t really bothered to try and cook or eat anything fresh. Most of his meals were takeout, and anything that wasn’t takeout was either microwaveable or cereal. Br’aad looked at the rest of the things in the fridge. It was pretty barren. A couple of cheese sticks, assorted sauces (most of which were well past their prime), a couple of bottles of beer, and not much else. Br’aad sighed and decided he’d just have cereal. He thought about saying something but decided against it. There was nothing he could say, what Sylnan really needed was a therapist, and Br’aad couldn’t be that for him. </p><p>The cereal was already on the table, so Br’aad just grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and sat down next to Sylnan at the kitchen table. He poured the cereal into the bowl, no milk. Br’aad couldn’t stand the texture of wet cereal. That, and Sylnan didn’t have any milk. </p><p>It was quiet in the kitchen for a bit. No one had anything to say. But that was alright, the afternoon light flooded the kitchen and it felt warm. For a few minutes, the world felt warm.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. can you talk</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been a few hours since he’d woken up, and his hangover had for the most part subsided.  His hands shook as he held his phone in his hand. Why was it so hard to just text Taxi? Taxi was his best friend, one of the people he felt like he could tell anything to. Why was it suddenly so hard to say anything at all to him? It took a lot of effort, but eventually, Br’aad forced the message out of his fingertips and onto his phone screen. </p><p>5:13:<br/>
<i>hey. can you talk</i></p><p>It had barely been thirty seconds by the time Taxi responded. </p><p>5:13<br/>
<i>Of course.</i></p><p>5:13:<br/>
<i>i dont think i want to call you. can we just meet in person? this is rlly important</i></p><p>5:14<br/>
<i>If that’s what you need. Do you want to get coffee?</i></p><p>Br’aad shuddered at the thought of running into his roommate.</p><p>5:14:<br/>
<i>literally anything but that</i></p><p>5:14:<br/>
<i>Meet me at the dining hall?</i></p><p>5:15:<br/>
<i>somewhere quieter?</i></p><p>5:15:<br/>
<i>We could talk in my dorm, Vel has a group project she has to work on tonight.</i></p><p>5:16:<br/>
<i>thats fine. Sylnans gonna have to drive me so i’ll be about an hour</i></p><p>5:16:<br/>
<i>Not a problem. I’ll be here all night. :)</i></p><p>By then, Mountain had already gone home. He’d only been there for about an hour, having just stopped by to chat and check in on Sylnan. The sun was just starting to sink lower in the sky. The evening light flirted with the door to Br’aad’s bedroom, just barely touching the frame. With some effort, Br’aad managed to convince himself to get up and out of his room. </p><p>He walked slowly through the apartment, still oscillating rapidly between wanting to talk to Taxi and wanting to back out and hide underneath his covers for the next year. Sylnan was in his room with the door closed. Br’aad rested his hand on the door handle for a moment. His mind was racing. He pulled his hand off of the door handle, moving it over his lips. He turned and looked back down the hallway he’d just come down. It had felt a lot longer to walk to Sylnan’s door than it really had been. </p><p>He took his hand from his mouth and knocked on Sylnan’s door, still hesitating slightly before committing. A few moments later, the door opened. It was dark in Sylnan’s bedroom. The curtains were closed, the only light in the room came from the computer on his desk. Br’aad’s eyes immediately zeroed in on the computer screen. Pictures of knives. Of course, what else would Sylnan be doing on a Friday evening? </p><p>Br’aad swallowed, trying to push the words out of his mouth. </p><p>“Do you need me to take you back?” Sylnan asked, somehow already knowing exactly what Br’aad was about to say. </p><p>“Would you?” Br’aad replied, relieved that he didn’t have to try and form his thoughts into words.</p><p>“Of course, I’m not doing anything important. Let me get my coat.” </p><p>Br’aad stepped out of the way and Sylnan pushed gently past, walking down the hall to the coat rack next to the door. Br’aad followed suit a few paces behind him. Sylnan took his car keys off of the hook next to the door and turned slightly towards Br’aad.</p><p>“Do you have everything? I don’t think you had a coat. Did you lose it? Do you need to borrow one of mine?”</p><p>“No, it’s okay. I have one, I just didn’t wear it.”</p><p>With that comment, Sylnan turned around to fully face Br’aad. </p><p>“You didn’t wear a coat last night?”</p><p>“No, I wasn’t cold,” Br’aad said, crossing his arms over his chest and looking towards the floor. </p><p>“It was 36 degrees out last night! Did you walk to that party?”</p><p>“Yes, I walked.”</p><p>“Br’aad! You could’ve frozen to death out there!”</p><p>“Sorry, Sylnan.”</p><p>Sylnan sighed.</p><p>“It’s okay. Just wear a coat next time, yeah? I don’t care if you’re not cold, I don’t want you turning into a brothercicle.” </p><p>Sylnan pulled a coat off of the rack and held it out to Br’aad. </p><p>“Take this for the car ride. The heater isn’t what she used to be.”</p><p>Br’aad took the coat gingerly out of Sylnan’s hands. </p><p>“Is that everything you need, Br’aad? Do you need Lamby with you or are you good with what you’ve got in your dorm?”</p><p>“I’ll be okay with what I’ve got, Sylnan.”</p><p>Sylnan nodded and opened the front door. The hallway of the apartment complex was substantially colder than in their apartment, Br’aad was glad Sylnan had given him the coat. He put it on as they walked down the hall towards the stairwell. The apartment was on the third floor. Br’aad didn’t remember how he’d gotten up the stairs, but he was sure it had been a real struggle for Sylnan. He made a mental note to buy Sylnan a “sorry I was super drunk and you had to come pick me up” gift. Does the dollar store sell cards for that? </p><p>After descending the stairs and going out the front door of the apartment complex, Sylnan walked over to the car and opened the passenger side door for Br’aad. Br’aad climbed into the car and Sylnan closed the door for him. Br’aad almost said something, but right now he actually didn’t mind being babied a bit by Sylnan. On any other occasion, it would have gotten on his nerves a little. Right now, with how frazzled his nerves were, it felt nice to be cared for. </p><p>The two of them didn’t talk about anything of much substance on the car ride back to campus, and the approximately forty-five minute drive went by fairly quickly. Right before Sylnan turned into the turnaround for Br’aad’s dorm room, Br’aad stopped him.</p><p>“Uh, Sylnan? Could you actually take me to Taxi’s dorm?” </p><p>“Right, of course, I totally forgot,” Sylnan said as he turned off his turn signal. </p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>Taxi’s dorm building wasn’t too far, which was convenient when he wanted to hang out, but nerve-wracking when he felt like his entire relationship with Taxi was bursting apart at the seams. He’d known Taxi since high school and in one night he’d managed to toss all that down the shitter. Sylnan pulled up in front of Taxi’s dorm, the car idling quietly as Br’aad stepped out. </p><p>“Hey, don’t forget to give me that coat back,” Sylnan called out after Br’aad right as he was about to shut the passenger-side door. </p><p>“Right, sorry,” Br’aad said before taking the coat off and tossing it gently onto the car seat. </p><p>“Take care of yourself, okay? I’ll text you when I get home.” </p><p>“I will. I love you.”</p><p>“Love you. Make sure to email your professor, I know you have class on Fridays.” </p><p>Br’aad nodded, shutting the car door gently. If you shut the door too hard it shakes the whole car like it’s going to just crumble into dust right there, but if you shut it too softly the car beeps at you incessantly until you open the door back up and shut it again, this time with feeling. It’s very important to strike the right balance. Br’aad did not strike the right balance. Grumbling to himself, Br’aad opened the car door back up again and shut it once more with a bit more force. </p><p>Feeling anxious about talking to Taxi and frustrated by the car door, Br’aad walked up to the front door of Taxi’s dorm building. Without thinking, he reached into his pockets for his keycard. He was surprised to find that it wasn’t in his pockets. Not that it would have worked on Taxi’s door anyway. Even so, this was what is known in the business as “not great”. As though it would cause his keycard to magically appear, Br’aad frantically patted his pockets. His keycard was not in his pockets. He’d left it in his coat last night, the very same coat that he didn’t bring to the frat party. </p><p>“Leave your keycard in your room? Happens to me all the time. I know you’re not supposed to open the door for people but I highly doubt you’re going to kill me. At least... I hope you aren’t,” a student who presumably lived in the building said to Br’aad as he used his keycard to open the door. </p><p>Br’aad turned his head to look at him. He was about the same height as Br’aad, auburn hair, green eyes, extremely well kept hair. Very cute. Had Br’aad not been in a less-than-fantastic emotional state (and head-over-heels in love with Taxi) he might’ve considered asking him for his number. </p><p>“I promise I’m not here to kill anybody,” Br’aad said, slightly troubled by the implication. </p><p>“Good to hear! I mean, I’m not supposed to be doing what I’m doing anyway. My friend gave me his keycard so I could go pick up snacks. Might as well break two rules at once, yeah?”</p><p>“Might as well.”</p><p>Br’aad wasn’t sure he wanted to keep talking to this stranger. He seemed very nice, but the interruption was seriously throwing him off. Fortunately, the stranger shot Br’aad a thumbs up and went on his way down the hall to the left. Br’aad needed to go right and up a floor to get to Taxi and Velrisa’s dorm. While he made his way up the stairs, Br’aad considered turning back. He quickly talked himself out of it, realizing the alternative. Either he went and talked to Taxi about last night or he turned back and talked to his roommate about last night. Both of these were horrible, but the idea of seeing his roommate was substantially more horrible. </p><p>While he was lost in thought, he’d managed to autopilot his way right up to Taxi and Velrisa’s door. He hesitated for a moment. Taxi was in there, alone. Br’aad frankly wasn’t sure why Taxi wanted to see him ever again. With every cell in his body fighting him the whole way, Br’aad knocked on the door. Behind the door he heard a glass fall over and a muffled “oh fuck”. Moments later, the door swung open. </p><p>“Br’aad!” </p><p>There he was. Taxi. His glasses were askew, his hair looked unkempt, and he was still in his pyjamas. Sometimes, Br’aad forgot that Taxi slept in boxers. This would have been a good time to remember. </p><p>“Taxi, I’m so-” Br’aad started. </p><p>“Can I hug you?” Taxi interrupted him, not even processing the words coming out of Br’aad’s mouth.</p><p>“Huh? Uh, sure?”</p><p>Taxi wrapped his arms tightly around Br’aad, squeezing him as if he felt like if he didn’t hold him close he’d disappear. Taxi’s shoulders shook gently with silent sobs. He was crying. Why was he crying? How could Br’aad make him stop?</p><p>“You’re okay. Oh God— you’re okay. Please never do that to me again, okay?” </p><p>“Taxi, I’m really sorry I wasn’t-”</p><p>“I know you don’t really like to be held like this, but I just- I can’t- I’m sorry. Just a little bit longer.”</p><p>The pair stood there in silence for a moment, Taxi still desperately clinging onto Br’aad. After a little while, Taxi relaxed his grip and put both of his hands on Br’aad’s shoulders. He took a step back.</p><p>“Here, come in. We should talk inside.” </p><p>Br’aad nodded and stepped inside of Taxi and Velrisa’s dorm. He’d been inside many times before, but something seemed a bit off about it. The two of them had a suite style dorm, giving each of them their own bedroom. The shades of the common area were drawn, the whole place was dark. Br’aad looked back at Taxi. </p><p>His eyes were bloodshot and watery and his cheeks were tear-stained. Usually Taxi wore contacts, but today he was wearing his glasses. The thick black frames only served to emphasize his eyes. Br’aad’s heart sank. He’d done this. He’d made Taxi feel like this. It felt like a knife to the stomach to see Taxi like this and realizing that it was his fault was twisting the knife in his gut. </p><p>“Taxi, I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything,” Br’aad started to say as he sat down at one of the stools at the kitchen counter.</p><p>“Sit down on the couch, the stools are a little wobbly,” Taxi said, waving Br’aad away from them.</p><p>Br’aad stood up from the stool and sat down on the couch. </p><p>“I’m trying to apologize, Taxi, listen to me.”</p><p>“Sorry, sorry. I’ll just-” he paused for a moment, “okay.”</p><p>Taxi sat down on the couch next to Br’aad and turned to face him.</p><p>“Why are you apologizing? You haven’t done anything wrong.”</p><p>“I know I’m- I’m sorry.”</p><p>“You have nothing to be sorry about, I was an asshole and I didn’t call or text or anything. I was just so messed up and overwhelmed and I was so mad at you and I barely understand <i>why</i> I was so mad. I just… I was jealous. I hated him, and he was being a fucking dick and I couldn’t handle it. So I ran. I didn’t even think to text you and tell you I was okay. I was- I was just so caught up in my own bullshit. I wasn’t fair to you, you didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong and I’m sorry I was so wrapped up in my own bullshit feelings that I didn’t realize that.” </p><p>Br’aad was crying again. He didn’t notice he was crying until he felt his tears starting to pool on his chin and drip down his neck. </p><p>“Your feelings aren’t bullshit Br’aad.” </p><p>“But they were bullshit! I was mad at you for nothing.”</p><p>“I spent the whole night thinking that something terrible had happened to you. I’m sure you realize that now. I didn’t sleep at all last night. I stayed up all night waiting for you to call, to text, to give me any indication that you were okay.”</p><p>“Taxi I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I did.”</p><p>Br’aad looked down at the crumpled up blanket on the couch. He didn’t want to look Taxi in the face, he felt like utter garbage just thinking about Taxi.  </p><p>“Let me finish. That doesn’t mean your feelings were bullshit. I know you’d never hurt me on purpose. But just because it wasn't on purpose doesn’t mean that it was okay.”</p><p>“It wasn’t okay, I hurt you and I don’t know if you should even-”</p><p>“I forgive you, Br’aad. Of course I forgive you. Just… think. I know you’ve got a brain in that head of yours. You don’t always use it, but I know it’s in there,” Taxi gently tapped his pointer finger against Br’aad’s forehead, “I know it’s hard for you to always understand how other people feel, and I know you never mean to hurt anybody, but just try and put a little more thought into what you’re doing.”</p><p>Br’aad nodded solemnly.</p><p>“I didn’t think, but if anything like this happens again, I’ll definitely be more thoughtful in the future. I fucked up big time, Taxi. I don’t know why you’re forgiving me for this.”</p><p>“I’m not going to dump our friendship down the drain just because you forgot to use your brain for a night. I know you didn’t do it maliciously. You’re my best friend, Br’aad. I know you. You’d never hurt me on purpose. People make stupid decisions when they’re emotional. You made several stupid decisions, that doesn’t make you a  bad person. You’re not a bad person. Foolish? Maybe, but not bad.”</p><p>“Yeah, I deserve that.”</p><p>Taxi stood up off of the couch and pulled at the blanket. Feeling it shift under him, Br’aad realized that he’d been sitting on it. He stood up so that Taxi could get it out from under him. Blanket in his arms, Taxi sat back down on the couch. </p><p>“Now that we’ve established that you’re not a horrible person, do you wanna watch something? There’s a movie I’ve been waiting to watch with you.”</p><p>“Oh, which one?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>did I or did I not say it would get better?</p><p>Hey, sorry this took so long to get out. I had a lot to do at the end of the school year! But now I’ve graduated &amp; I’ve got a lot more time to work on stuff. :) Hopefully chapters will come out a bit more regularly.</p><p>Thank you so much to everyone who’s ever said something nice about my work, it really means a lot!! I see y’all talking about this on the Discord and it makes me SO happy to see that. I saw someone say something nice about All That &amp; More behind my back &amp; it made me tear up. It means so much to me that people have such nice things to say!! I’ve never experienced this kind of support for my writing in my life and it feels so good that something I’ve worked this hard on is getting this much positive attention!! &lt;3</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. cinnamon sugar toast</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’ve gone back and added chapter titles to all existing chapters, hope you enjoy! :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Br’aad didn’t go back to his dorm that night. He didn’t want to deal with his roommate, not after the shit he’d pulled at the party. He still hadn’t answered his roommate’s texts, not that he gave a shit. When it had been Taxi, he’d felt like human garbage. But his roommate? No, he didn’t care. His roommate hadn’t tried to text or call him since about three in the morning. It was probably for the best.</p><p>After Br’aad and Taxi had finished their movie, Taxi had made them all dinner. It was always wonderful when Taxi cooked, he was a natural at it. He could turn whatever assortment of ingredients was in the refrigerator into something delicious without fail. It felt nice to have dinner with Taxi and Velrisa in their room. Sure, he’d had lunch with them just yesterday, but their room was much quieter and much more private than the dining hall. That, and of course the food was much better. </p><p>After dinner, Br’aad hadn’t wanted to go home so Taxi had let him crash on their couch. It wasn’t the most comfortable couch in the world, just a bit too small to be comfortable to sleep on, but the blanket smelled like Taxi. It was heavy and warm, perfect for a brisk spring night in a dorm room that was always a bit over air-conditioned. </p><p>The air conditioning wasn’t Taxi or Velrisa’s fault, the hallways were always freezing and the cold air always found a way to sneak under the door and make the whole common area chilly. Not to mention the fact that the heater never managed to heat it quite right. None of that mattered, it was warm under the blanket, and the gentle hum of the refrigerator combined with the early spring rain tapping against the window lulled Br’aad to sleep in no time. </p><p>The next morning, to his surprise, Br’aad woke up early. Maybe it was the sound of a wooden spoon gently hitting against the inside of a pot that had stirred him from his slumber, or maybe it was the fact that he’d gone to bed much earlier than he usually did. Either way, he was awake now. Taxi was very obviously trying not to make too much noise with the pot, but was ultimately failing at doing so. </p><p>In the sun-soaked room, the blanket was now a bit too warm to be comfortable. Br’aad pushed the blanket off of himself and onto the floor. He lay there for a moment, taking in the sounds of the morning. Taxi was still desperately trying not to make too much noise with whatever he was doing in the kitchen, the faint sound of the shower running made a quiet backdrop to the gentle bubbling of the pot on the stove, the muted babble of neighbor’s conversations drifted through the thin walls of the dorm. It was peaceful, a comfortable start to a Saturday. </p><p>Br’aad sat up, pushing himself gently off of the couch and swinging his feet over to rest comfortably on the floor. Looking down at himself, Br’aad realized that he was still in his clothes from yesterday. Well, almost. Most notably, he wasn’t wearing pants. Before going to bed, he’d taken his jeans off and thrown them haphazardly across the room. They rested against the TV stand in a crumpled pile, just a few feet away from where Br’aad was sitting. Just a few feet out of reach. He’d have to stand up in order to retrieve them. </p><p>No problem, just a couple steps, right? Yes, problem! Taxi was making himself breakfast in the kitchen and would absolutely see him saunter over to the TV to pick up his jeans. Br’aad cursed his past self for not having thought about how he’d retrieve them in the morning. He had two options: wrap the blanket around his waist and just walk over there or crawl along the floor like some kind of wild animal scavenging for food. </p><p>He went with the second option. Br’aad dropped to his hands and knees and started slowly crawling over to his jeans. He reached out his left hand, grasping tightly onto the fabric. </p><p>“Br’aad? What are you doing?” Velrisa asked, having just walked into the room.</p><p>While he’d been agonizing over his jeans, Br’aad hadn’t noticed that the shower had stopped running. Instinctually, Br’aad pushed himself off the ground, trying to stand up. Key word being ‘trying’. Instead of standing up, Br’aad hit his head <i>hard</i> against the lipped edge of the TV stand. He collapsed back down onto the floor, holding his head in his right hand and his jeans aloft in his left. </p><p>“Br’aad? Did you hit your head? Are you alright?” Taxi asked, whipping his head around to look over at Br’aad. </p><p>Br’aad groaned and flipped himself onto his back, holding his crumpled jeans over his crotch. </p><p>“I’m okay, I just… hit my head pretty hard.” </p><p>“Are you sure? Do you need ice?” Velrisa asked, already making her way over to the fridge. </p><p>“No, Vel, I’m okay, I swear.” </p><p>Br’aad sat up, being very careful to avoid hitting his head a second time. He crawled back onto the couch and sat down, taking a short breath before putting his jeans back on. </p><p>“Since you’re awake, do you want anything for breakfast? I just finished making oatmeal,” Taxi asked Br’aad, trying to distract him from his pain. </p><p>Involuntarily, Br’aad’s lip curled. Pretty much everything about oatmeal was repulsive to him. Seeing Br’aad’s reaction, Taxi laughed a little. </p><p>Br’aad stood up, looking over at Taxi as he did. Taxi was still in his pyjamas, apparently he’d never changed out of them. Not only was he in his pyjamas, but he was wearing his glasses. Br’aad loved how Taxi looked in his glasses. Something about him just looked softer and cuter when he was wearing them. The way they framed his eyes really made them stand out.</p><p>God, Br’aad could stare at Taxi’s eyes forever. Usually, eye contact made him squirm, but he wanted so desperately to study Taxi’s forest green eyes, to memorize every single detail of his irises. If he had a house, he would paint every single room the exact color Taxi’s eyes were and he would be the happiest man alive. His favorite color was blue, it always had been. But when he’d met Taxi and seen just how breathtakingly beautiful his eyes were, he started to appreciate green so much more. He still loved blue, but he found himself buying more and more green shirts and found that his green highlighters would run out much quicker than they had before. </p><p>“I’ll take that as a no. We’ve got cereal in the cabinets, and fresh fruit in the fridge if you’d like something a bit healthier.” </p><p>“Don’t forget we’ve got bread as well. It’s about to go stale, maybe because someone keeps forgetting we have it,” Velrisa said as she grabbed two bowls, one navy and one red, out of the cabinet above the sink. </p><p>Velrisa poured a portion of the oatmeal Taxi had made into the red bowl and dug around a bit in the drawer for a spoon.</p><p>“Right, right. Do you want me to make you toast, Br’aad?” Taxi asked as he poured the remainder of the oatmeal into the navy bowl. </p><p>“Sure, if you don’t mind.” </p><p>“Of course I don’t mind, it only takes a second,” Taxi said as he removed the twist tie from around the bag the bread was in. </p><p>Br’aad sat down at the kitchen counter. The stool wobbled slightly as he settled onto it. Br’aad glanced over at Taxi, resting his head in his left hand. Taxi put two slices of bread into the toaster, humming quietly to himself. He pulled a butter knife and a spoon out the drawer and placed them both gently onto the counter next to the toaster. He paused for a moment, tapping his index finger on his top lip and furrowing his eyebrows. After a moment, he whispered a quiet “oh” and took a few steps to his left. He reached up into the cabinet, his shirt lifting ever-so-slightly, exposing a few inches of his back. Br’aad’s eyes lingered on those few inches for a couple seconds too long as Taxi grabbed a bright yellow plate out of the cabinet. He set the plate down gently on the counter next to the knife and then picked his bowl of oatmeal and spoon up and brought them over to the kitchen counter, placing them on the other counter in front of the empty seat next to Br’aad. </p><p>“No room for me, hm?” Velrisa said amusedly as she walked past, taking her bowl of oatmeal and sitting down on the couch. </p><p>“Oh, sorry Vel. Did you want to sit at the counter? I can move,” Taxi said, already picking his bowl up off of the counter. </p><p>“Don’t worry about it, Taxi. You two can sit together.” </p><p>Taxi placed his bowl back down on the counter and sat down next to Br’aad. The two of them sat in silence for a few moments, knowing that Taxi would have to get up soon anyway. Why is it that no matter how many times you make toast, you never seem to get used to the amount of time it takes to make? The sound of the toast popping out of the toaster is surprising every single time. As if summoned by the thought, the toaster decided to eject the toast. Br’aad jumped at the sound. Without thinking, Taxi placed a hand on Br’aad’s wrist. Realizing what he’d just done, he quickly pulled his hand away and stood up. </p><p>Taxi walked over to the toaster and stood there for a brief moment. Br’aad couldn’t see his face, so he had no idea what he was thinking. Not that he would have anyway. Taxi reached into a different cabinet than he had before. This cabinet was slightly lower, meaning that his shirt didn’t lift above his waistline as it had before and Br’aad didn’t get to obsess over a few inches of skin as he had before. He wasn’t exactly sure what Taxi was doing. He seemed to be operating on autopilot, buttering the toast, setting the knife down on the edge of the sink, and then sprinkling… something all over the slices of toast he’d just buttered. Taxi got most of the way back over to the counter and then quickly glanced down at the plate of toast that he’d just made. He froze for a second and then looked back up at Br’aad. </p><p>“Br’aad I’m so sorry, I’ve just sprinkled cinnamon sugar all over your toast,” he said, looking back down at the plate in his hands. </p><p>“That’s alright. I don’t mind.”</p><p>“I was just totally working on autopilot, I just made it the way I like it without even thinking. I’m sorry, I know how you feel about tastes and textures-”</p><p>“Taxi, it’s alright. Cinnamon sugar toast sounds great.” </p><p>“You’re sure?”</p><p>“Hand it over, I wanna try it.” </p><p>Taxi sighed and placed the plate down in front of Br’aad, the plate clinked gently against the countertop. He settled down back into his seat and watched Br’aad nervously. Resting his left thumbnail against his front teeth and his index finger over his lips, he tapped the fingers of his right hand repeatedly against the countertop. It felt a bit awkward to eat his toast with Taxi watching him so intently, but tentatively he lifted the toast to his mouth and took a bite. </p><p>Holy shit. How had he never thought to do this with toast before? He looked over at Taxi. Taxi let out an audible sigh of relief seeing the expression on Br’aad’s face. </p><p>“You don’t hate it?”</p><p>Br’aad shook his head, still not having finished his bite of toast. Taxi’s shoulders visibly relaxed and he settled down further into his chair, resting his left hand on the table and picking up his spoon in his right. He lifted the spoon to his mouth, but paused for a moment.</p><p>“So… finals are next week, yeah?”</p><p>Br’aad swallowed. In everything that had happened in the past few days, he’d completely forgotten about finals. He took a deep breath, his eyes widening as he did so. </p><p>“Shit, yeah, they sure are. I totally forgot,” Br’aad replied, his voice wavering slightly. </p><p>“Sorry to remind you. I was just wondering, uhm, after finals are over and we’re out of school, what would you think about spending some of the summer in Montréal, with me?” Taxi asked, rolling the R in ‘Montréal’ ever-so-slightly. </p><p>Br’aad didn’t respond for a moment, surprised at the offer Taxi was making. </p><p>“You want me to spend the summer with you?”</p><p>“Only if you want to.”</p><p>“Are you kidding me? That sounds terrific!”</p><p>Br’aad was beaming, any thought of finals week had slipped out of his brain like an eel out of the hands of a careless zookeeper. Taxi grinned right back.</p><p>“You know, I’ve heard that the botanical gardens in Montréal are particularly beautiful in the summer. You two should go. Send me pictures,” Velrisa chimed in from her seat on the couch. </p><p>Taxi shrugged, “why not? I’ve never been. Does that interest you, Br’aad?”</p><p>Br’aad nodded. The rest of breakfast was spent hammering out the details of their roadtrip. Montréal was at least a twelve-hour drive from Lake Michigan, so it took a bit of time to figure out the details of how exactly they’d get there. Transport didn’t pose much of an issue as Taxi had a car on campus, but then there was the passport question. Obviously Taxi had a passport, he was a Canadian citizen. Br’aad knew he had a passport, he had made Sylnan take him to get one when he and Taxi first met, but he called Sylnan anyway to make sure that he knew where it was (and also to ask if it was alright with him that he was going to spend an indeterminate amount of time out of the country). </p><p>After a few hours of fervent road trip planning, Br’aad needed to go back to his dorm. Br’aad really didn’t want to go back to his dorm. He never wanted to see his roommate again, but of course he had to. At the very least, he needed to get all of his stuff out of his room. After giving Taxi and Velrisa hugs goodbye, Br’aad began the short walk back to his dorm. He’d never wanted the walk between his dorm and Taxi’s dorm to be any longer before, but right then he certainly did.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. just shut up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry this took a month. I’m gonna be switching off between In The Woods Somewhere updates and updates for this so updates will be slower.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Br’aad knocked on the door to his dorm, silently hoping that his roommate was out. He couldn’t remember his roommate’s class schedule, and even if he wasn’t in class there was a glimmer of hope that he might’ve gone out to lunch. Unfortunately for Br’aad, he heard the sound of his roommate groaning and sliding his chair out from under his desk. He tensed involuntarily, wanting to have avoided the awkwardness of dragging himself back to their front door after not having breathed so much as a word to him in over twenty four hours. </p><p>The door swung open. There he was. Br’aad’s roommate was in his pyjamas, looking disheveled. When he saw Br’aad his eyebrows immediately shot up and his eyes widened. He blinked a few times, as if to check that what he was seeing was real. </p><p>Br’aad looked at the floor, avoiding eye contact. He tried to push past his roommate and get into his room, but his roommate placed a hand on his chest, stopping him from crossing the threshold. Br’aad grabbed his roommate’s wrist and shoved his hand off of his chest. </p><p>“Please don’t touch me.”</p><p>“I just want to talk to you, Br’aad,” the roommate said as Br’aad pushed past him and into the room.</p><p>“You don’t have to touch me to talk to me,” Br’aad said, crossing his arms over his chest and turning around to face his roommate.</p><p>“Listen, I’m sorry about the party, but you could’ve texted me or something. I tried to call you like twenty times.” </p><p>Br’aad’s jaw dropped open at that comment. He had to stop for a moment to process what exactly his roommate had just said. </p><p>“Twenty-two, but that’s not the point. Did you think for even a <i>second</i> about why I might not have wanted to talk to you?”</p><p>“Listen, I just don’t think it was that big of a deal.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” Br’aad asked, a sickly-sweet tone to his voice. </p><p>“I mean I just don’t think it warranted ghosting me like that.”</p><p>Br’aad’s jaw clenched. He was, frankly, dumbstruck by the words coming out of his roommate’s mouth. </p><p>“You really don’t see why kissing me, <i>against my will</i>, while I was drunk is a big deal?” He asked through gritted teeth.</p><p>“I mean it’s just a kiss.”</p><p>“Did you happen to miss the part where you <i>didn’t fucking ask</i>, or were you too busy thinking with your dick?”</p><p>“I dunno,” he shrugged, “some guys think that’s hot.”</p><p>Br’aad uncrossed his arms and rubbed his temples. </p><p>“And if I’m not one of those guys?”</p><p>His arms fell back down towards his waist. </p><p>“Well, are you?”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t know. What do you think?”</p><p>His roommate crossed his arms and leaned back a little, looking down at Br’aad. He was a couple inches taller than Br’aad, just tall enough to loom over him. He blew a puff of air out of his nose and ran his tongue over his teeth. </p><p>“I think you’re hot when you’re angry.” </p><p>Without thinking, Br’aad raised his right hand and slapped his roommate across the face. They both stood there for a moment looking shocked. His roommate rubbed his hand along where Br’aad’s hand had connected with his face, still processing what had just happened. </p><p>“Okay, yeah. I probably deserved that,” he said, hand still on his face.  </p><p>“I don’t want you to say shit like that to me ever again, understand? This,” he motioned to the space in between the two of them, “isn’t happening.”</p><p>Br’aad turned away from the conversation, instead focusing his attention on his dresser to look for a change of clothes. He’d left his dirty clothes from the party at his and Sylnan’s apartment, but he hadn’t changed since then. </p><p>“It’s that Taxi dude, isn’t it?” His roommate asked, obviously not willing to let the subject go.</p><p>Br’aad whipped back around to glare at him.</p><p>“You think that <i>Taxi</i> is the only reason I don’t want to sleep with you? God, you’re even more conceited than I thought.” </p><p>“Well, like- I mean-”</p><p>“Can you just shut up?” </p><p>Br’aad rolled his eyes and turned back around, determined to ignore his roommate completely this time. Mercifully, his roommate decided to keep his mouth shut and go back to whatever he’d been doing at his desk before Br’aad showed up. </p><p>After that confrontation, their relationship was more than a little bit strained. They didn’t have many opportunities to talk to each other between studying for exams and Br’aad doing what he could to avoid his roommate as much as possible, but when they did inevitably run back into each other their conversations were terse and uncomfortable. The week after that was final exam week, so both of them were too busy to speak with each other. This was probably for the best. </p><p>Br’aad would be happy if he never had to see his roommate ever again. He frequently found himself wondering why he hadn’t just accepted Taxi’s offer to room with him and Velrisa last summer. If he had, he wouldn’t be in this situation. </p><p>At the time, he thought his relationship with his roommate was pretty good. They’d texted vaguely about rooming together again over the summer, and neither of them had really felt like finding new roommates the next year so they’d agreed to room together that year as well. Br’aad had felt bad about potentially backing out of that promise, so he reluctantly turned Taxi’s offer down. Now he really wished he hadn’t. </p><p>In between exams, he daydreamed about what it would have been like to share a room with Taxi and Velrisa. Even though it would’ve cost more than he felt comfortable paying, it still would have been far more fun than spending the last few weeks of his third year of college trying very hard to pretend that his roommate didn’t exist. </p><p>Despite the way that the weeks dragged on, threatening to expand into forever, the school year did eventually come to an end, and from the ashes of a friendly relationship with his roommate rose the phoenix of getting to spend the next few months with his best friend. It was all worth it in the end.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. moving on; moving out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey uh. sorry it's been so long. college &amp; that. I'm not abandoning this. promise.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Br’aad’s dorm room was empty, apart from the furniture. Everything was packed haphazardly into Sylnan’s car. The poor old thing could barely handle the weight of the last few months of Br’aad’s life. Thankfully they’d thought ahead and some of his things had been sent home earlier. Even so, the bulk of it was packed precariously into the beat up red sedan. </p><p>All that was left was to turn in his key. After that, it would be over. The semester would have officially come to a close. Despite the misery of the past few weeks, Br’aad wasn’t sure he was ready for it to end. One last time, he checked all the drawers of the dresser, just to make triple sure that he hadn’t left anything behind. </p><p>The drawers were all empty, of course. He and Sylnan had opened every drawer, checked under every surface, and behind every piece of furniture over and over again. He noticed a slight warping on the surface of the dresser, nothing that housing would ever notice. </p><p>He remembered the time he and his roommate had tried to see if a curling iron would pop popcorn and smiled to himself. It had worked, but the curling iron had sat on the dresser for a few moments too long and had melted the faux-wood surface ever so slightly. The memory stung a little, poisoned by the chasm that had formed between him and his now ex-roommate. Maybe it was for the best that he was moving out. </p><p>Leaving the room, he caught his reflection in the mirror. He studied himself for a moment, running his fingers through his hair. Thinking back to the first time he’d looked into one of the warped, dingy mirrors in a Lake Michigan dorm, it was hard to recognize himself. The person in the mirror had changed so much. </p><p>He looked tired. Far more tired than he looked three years ago. There were bags under his eyes from a few too many all-nighters during exam week. Overall, he looked a bit disheveled. He hadn’t put much effort into his look that day. No one would see it, and he needed to be able to move as much junk as possible in as little time as possible. </p><p>He didn’t have time to stand there and contemplate. If he waited much longer, the turn-in window would close and he’d have to pay the fine for losing his key. One last time, he closed the heavy wood door behind him. This time he didn’t have to lock it. </p><p>It was a short walk and a painless procedure to turn in his key. He felt silly for having dreading it. It was never about the key. He knew that. It was about the end. It was the end of an era. No longer would he be spending the school year in that tiny room on the ground floor, his housing contract was already voided. He was living off-campus with Taxi and Vel next year, that was a guarantee. It had been somewhat of a logistical and bureaucratic nightmare. Forms to fill out, forms to sign, letters to write, and boxes to check. Why did colleges have to make everything difficult? </p><p>He didn’t have to think about any of that for the next three months. The next three precious, incredible months. Time he’d spend with Taxi. He’d been looking forward to this for weeks, it was the one thing that kept him motivated more than anything else. Taxi. He sat down in the passenger seat of Sylnan’s car and sighed deeply. </p><p>“Took you long enough,” Sylnan said.</p><p>“Sorry, I had to make triple sure,” Br’aad replied. </p><p>“Hard to let go?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>It was incredible, really, the way Sylnan always knew what he was thinking. It was like he could read his mind. Br’aad really hoped Sylnan couldn’t read his mind. If Sylnan could read his mind he’d probably have told him to stop thinking about Taxi and Taxi’s- </p><p>Sylnan couldn’t read books, there was no way he could read minds. </p><p>The drive back home was quiet and contemplative. Sylnan didn’t seem to want to push Br’aad to talk, and Br’aad didn’t really feel like talking. Despite the length of the drive, Br’aad felt like he didn’t have quite enough time to just space out and let his mind wander. He spent most of it staring out the window thinking of nothing in particular. </p><p>Half an hour later, the car was finally unloaded. Working together made it much easier to get everything inside. Every time Br’aad had to move in and out he cursed the fact that Sylnan lived on the third floor. Although Br’aad didn’t remember it, Sylnan had cursed that same fact when he’d had to try and shove a very drunk Br’aad up the stairs. </p><p>That night, Taxi would sleep on the couch and the two of them would head out to Montréal the next morning. It was a long drive, one without many stops. Br’aad wasn’t looking forward to it. </p><p>Some aspects he was looking forward to. Spending nearly fourteen hours (at the most generous estimate) in a car wasn’t going to be too exciting no matter which way you sliced it. However, spending fourteen hours with Taxi and nothing to do certainly would be. With fourteen hours and a captive audience, anything could happen. </p><p>Fourteen hours. Br’aad turned the concept over in his mind. What could you do with fourteen hours? Fourteen hours was long enough to listen to about fourteen episodes of This American Life, not that he or Taxi would want to. Fourteen hours was like sitting through the biology lecture about four and a half times. That didn’t sound too bad. He wouldn’t have to think about cells or comparative endocrinology either. It’d be like the bio lecture but with none of the bio. The perfect lecture. Maybe fourteen hours wouldn’t be so horrible after all. </p><p>Taxi still hadn’t arrived yet. He’d had his stuff packed up and ready the night before, but he knew that Br’aad wouldn’t be ready for him until the very last possible moment so he’d gone out with some other friends for lunch before they started their own drives home. </p><p>Not expecting much, Br’aad checked his phone for any news from Taxi. It was only around one and these friends tended to be the type to stay and chat for a long while. To his surprise, he had a text from Taxi. </p><p>1:12:<br/>
<i>On my way over to yours. Hope you’re there by now! :p</i></p><p>Br’aad smiled to himself and typed out a response. </p><p>1:17:<br/>
<i>we’re here. didnt expect you so soon!</i></p><p>1:17:<br/>
<i>I told them I had somewhere very important to be so they let me go. Trust me, if I hadn’t I’d have been there until nightfall.</i></p><p>1:17:<br/>
<i>so i’m “somewhere very important”, huh?</i></p><p>1:18:<br/>
<i>Of course! I’d rather spend those hours with you.</i></p><p>Br’aad blushed at that. He was really glad Taxi couldn’t see him.</p><p>1:19:<br/>
<i>youll be spending 14 hours w/ me tomorrow. hope u mean it</i></p><p>Just as that last message went through, Br’aad heard a knock on the front door. The timing was almost romcom perfect. He rushed to answer it before Sylnan could so much as stand up from his seat at the table. Excitedly, he pulled the door open. There was Taxi in his spring jacket. A beautiful olive green, a perfect pair with his hair, his eyes, his... everything. Ugh, who was Br’aad kidding? Taxi could pull off anything. He’d look incredible in a Bart Simpson sweater. </p><p>“I assure you, I mean it,” Taxi said as he stepped through the threshold. </p><p>“I’m going to make you regret that. Get ready for fourteen straight hours of Wonderwall.” </p><p>“Better than fourteen hours alone. It’s a tough drive by myself.” </p><p>“I’m sure. Did you bring what you’re gonna need for tonight?”</p><p>“I’ve got it right here,” Taxi said, turning around and revealing the backpack on his back. </p><p>Br’aad gave Taxi a thumbs up and ushered him further into the apartment. Taxi set his bag down just outside the door to Br’aad’s room. Taxi hung up his coat and then glanced around the apartment.</p><p>“It really hasn’t changed much since I was here last, has it?” He asked.</p><p>“Not much. Except that poor cactus is finally in a better place.”</p><p>“Fredrick?”</p><p>“The very one. Sylnan accidentally ran over him with the vacuum cleaner and he never recovered.”</p><p>“What a way to go! You’ll have to tell me more about that later, right now I think I need to sit down. I’m worn out from lunch. Too much drama for me to keep up with.”</p><p>“You can sit down in my bedroom, I don’t know any of these people but I need to know <i>everything</i>.” </p><p>Br’aad quickly escorted Taxi into his bedroom and the two of them sat down on his bed.  </p><p>“I’ll tell you everything, but did I really have to be in your bedroom to tell you? Seems like you just wanted me in your bed.” </p><p>Br’aad turned a previously undiscovered shade of pink, pinker than any pink before it. </p><p>“You said you needed to sit down! This was the most comfortable and private place to sit! Shut up and tell me the drama already!” Br’aad over-explained. </p><p>“Alright, alright. From what I understood, Tom’s girlfriend is pregnant, Steve’s bi, and Dove’s moving apartments.”</p><p>“That’s a lot less fun than I expected.”</p><p>“The Tom thing is a big deal because apparently her family is uber conservative, the Steve thing is funny because everyone knew but him, and the Dove thing isn’t too juicy. Her and her roommate are just moving out of their shitty old apartment.” </p><p>“I was hoping for a bit more intrigue. A murder, perhaps.”</p><p>“Nothing even remotely as interesting. I told you, I’d rather spend time with you.”</p><p>The next few hours were nothing of substance. Br’aad and Taxi could talk about nothing forever, but not in an exhausting way like Taxi’s lunch friends. They could just talk and talk and talk and it would be the most captivating thing in the world. It was effortless. Half of the time, they had no idea what they were talking about. Nothing in particular, everything at once. It didn’t matter. </p><p>Br’aad had only met Taxi’s lunch friends once and it was one of the most exhausting experiences of his life. Every moment of talking to them took effort, it was impossible to do anything else at the same time. Just keeping up with them took one hundred percent of Br’aad’s attention. </p><p>For dinner, Sylnan ordered takeout. The two of them ate on the floor of Br’aad’s bedroom, watching youtube videos and trying very hard to not spill anything on the carpet. Midway through yet another Try Guys video, Taxi turned to face Br’aad. </p><p>“If you can get over your crush on Eugene for ten seconds, I’ve got something I need to ask you.”</p><p>Br’aad paused the video and closed his laptop, turning to look at Taxi. God, he forgot how cute Taxi’s glasses were. It was a shame that he hardly ever got to see them. </p><p>“Whatever you’ve got to say had better be more important than <i>Without A Recipe</i>,” Br’aad teased. </p><p>“I was just thinking about tonight, particularly where I’m going to sleep. I slept on your couch last time I was here and uh… I don’t really know how to say this- I was a bit too tall for it.”</p><p>“What do you mean ‘too tall for the couch’?”</p><p>“Well it’s just that I’m a bit too tall to really sleep comfortably on it. It’s not very big. I have to crumple into a ball in order to fit.”</p><p>“Taxi, I’m only four inches shorter than you and I’ve slept very comfortably on that couch.”</p><p>“Four inches can mean a lot.”</p><p>Br’aad quirked an eyebrow, failing to hide the grin spreading across his face. </p><p>“You know what I meant,” Taxi sighed.</p><p>“I’m guessing you’ve got another plan?”</p><p>“Well, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind if I slept in your bed tonight.”</p><p>“You want me to sleep on the floor? In my own home?”</p><p>Br’aad looked at Taxi, a little offended at the suggestion. </p><p>“No! No no no. I uh- I thought we could share. Your bed seems big enough for the two of us.”</p><p>“You- you want to sleep in the same bed?” </p><p>“If you don’t mind… If you do it’s fine. I can deal. It’s just I thought-” </p><p>“It’s fine! We can share,” Br’aad said a little too suddenly.</p><p>“Oh! Good.”</p><p>Silence fell between them for a moment.</p><p>“I’m guessing you’re thinking of going to bed soon then?” Br’aad asked. </p><p>“As much as I’d love to stay up all night, I want to be well-rested for the drive tomorrow.”</p><p>Br’aad nodded and opened his laptop back up.</p><p>“After this episode, obviously. We can’t just stop in the middle like that,” he said. </p><p>“Obviously.”</p><p>Br’aad felt Taxi lean some of his weight against him, his head resting on Br’aad’s. For the remainder of the episode, Br’aad did everything in his power not to move too much. Barely breathing, still as a statue. </p><p>After the episode was over he looked over at Taxi only to find him asleep. As much as it pained him to do so, Br’aad shook Taxi awake. </p><p>“Hm? Wha-? Oh, sorry,” Taxi mumbled. </p><p>“Guess you’re sleepier than you thought.”</p><p>They’d already gotten prepped for bed hours ago, but the ever-present allure of just one more episode had kept them up a bit later than they’d hoped. Thanks to their high expectations from earlier in the evening, they were able to get to bed fairly quickly. </p><p>Obviously, it was awkward sharing a bed with Taxi. He was so warm, Br’aad could watch the blankets rise and fall as he breathed, and sometimes he would move in his sleep. It was exciting. Taxi always smelled so nice, now his bed was going to smell nice. </p><p>Taxi smelled like a blanket fresh out of the dryer. He smelled like a spring morning. He smelled like a summer evening spent catching fireflies. He smelled like soft, cushiony moss on the forest floor. He smelled like a brand new book (not that Br’aad was particularly familiar with that scent). Sometimes, he smelled a little bit like whiteboard markers. </p><p>Lying there, almost-but-not-quite touching Taxi, was like a daydream. In fact, Br’aad had had this daydream hundreds of times before. This time it was real. He was almost too nervous to fall asleep, his mind preoccupied with ways he could fuck this up and send Taxi packing back to the couch. Despite his anxieties, Br’aad managed to drift asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. road trip!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>happy 1st birthday AT&amp;M!! :) check the end notes for a much longer &amp; much sappier note</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They woke early in the morning, the sun just rising over the horizon. Pale pink light filtered in through the window, bathing everything in a dreamlike aura. Br’aad felt like a swamp monster, dragged unwillingly from the depths of the marsh. Taxi looked perfect, unbothered by the earliness of the hour. </p>
<p>Br’aad had forgotten that Taxi was sharing his bed with him. Waking up with their bodies pressed close hadn’t been unwelcome, but it was unexpected. He really hadn’t wanted to get out of bed, but it was either sacrifice the warmth of his bed or sacrifice time with Taxi. The choice was obvious. </p>
<p>Everything had been packed the night before, so all they had to do was eat breakfast and start driving. Br’aad didn’t have much for breakfast, eating that early in the morning always made him feel sick. He just sat there in the kitchen and tried very hard not to fall asleep as Taxi ate a bowl of cereal as fast as he could. After Taxi had finished his bowl of cereal with alarming speed, the two of them bid Sylnan farwell and embarked on the astronomical drive ahead of them. </p>
<p>Taxi knew what he was getting into, Br’aad did not. Br’aad was excited by the prospect of spending fourteen hours in a car with Taxi. Fourteen hours with his best friend? What could be better? Spending fourteen hours together is fun when you’re not driving. Driving is boring. Driving is like watching paint dry, but the paint never dries. The first few hours are fun. There’s things to look at out the window. Podcasts to listen to, music to sing along to. </p>
<p>After just a few hours, Br’aad’s legs started to hurt. Taxi’s car was nice. It smelled like him, it was clean, the air conditioning worked. Even so, it sucked to be confined to it for all that time. That, and he kind of had to pee. He felt bad asking Taxi to pull over. Every minute spent at a rest stop was another minute later that they’d get home. </p>
<p>Br’aad tried to think about what getting to see Taxi’s house after all this time would be like. He’d seen pictures, but he’d never had a reason to go all the way out to Montréal just to see Taxi’s house. There was always a little piece of his brain scheming reasons to go out and visit, but he’d never been able to come up with anything clever enough. It was a relief to have this opportunity land in his lap. Thinking about Taxi’s house didn’t offer him any comfort. He’d managed to burn about two minutes. There was no way around it, he was going to have to bite the bullet and ask Taxi to pull over. </p>
<p>“Taxi?” Br’aad asked. </p>
<p>“Yeah, what’s up?” Taxi replied.</p>
<p>Br’aad could see how tired he looked. Taxi always looked somewhat tired, but he looked even more tired than usual. He made a mental note to try and keep Taxi’s morale up. </p>
<p>“Could we uh- could we pull over whenever it’s convenient? My legs hurt.”</p>
<p>To Br’aad’s surprise, Taxi perked up at that. </p>
<p>“Yeah, absolutely,” Taxi nodded enthusiastically, “there should be a rest stop coming up pretty soon.”</p>
<p>Taxi’s shoulders seemed less hunched, his eyes looked a little brighter. He lifted a hand off of the steering wheel to adjust his glasses. </p>
<p>According to Taxi, it was easier to drive with his glasses on. Br’aad didn’t really get why. Taxi had tried to explain it to him, but it was way too early in the morning to understand anything. Whatever, it didn’t matter. Taxi looked cute in his glasses and it meant that Br’aad got to sneak peeks at him and then try to look like he wasn’t staring. Good thing he wasn’t driving. Yet.</p>
<p>Oh. Oh dear. Br’aad had entirely forgotten that he was supposed to drive for part of this. Maybe he should try and get some sleep. Sure, he felt pretty well-rested right <i>now</i>, but that was subject to change. Maybe he should try to figure out ways to avoid getting distracted by how extremely cute Taxi looked in his glasses. Nope, impossible. Not happening. He’d just have to deal.</p>
<p>Taxi pulled over into a rest stop. The surrounding area was a stark contrast to the monotony of the freeway. There were <i>trees</i>, and <i>things to look at</i>. Things that weren’t yet another barn, or another billboard that seemed to be some sort of advertisement for hell. If Br’aad were to base everything he knew about religion on billboards, hell would seem like a super chill place. </p>
<p>Before Taxi was even able to turn the engine off, Br’aad was already out in the parking lot stretching his legs. God damn did it feel good to stand on solid ground for a bit. Taxi also stepped out of the car, leaning against it and sighing. The sound caught Br’aad’s attention. </p>
<p>“How are you holding up?” he asked.</p>
<p>“It’s usually worse than this, it’s good to have you here,” Taxi replied. </p>
<p>“That’s not what I asked.”</p>
<p>“Not so good. My eyes hurt from staring at the road for,” he paused for a moment to check his phone, “five and a half hours”. </p>
<p>“Do you want me to take over? I can do a little bit if you need me to.”</p>
<p>Br’aad walked to the other side of the car to stand next to Taxi. </p>
<p>“We’ll be at the border crossing soon, I should be in the driver’s seat for that. It should be fine, but if there’s any trouble it’s better that I’m driving. Maybe after the border.”</p>
<p>“Alright, just let me know if you need me to take over. Don’t be shy,” Br’aad said, giving Taxi a playful tap on the shoulder. </p>
<p>“I’ve seen Canada a thousand times, you’re more than welcome to drive a good part of that bit.” </p>
<p>“Sounds good, I’ll have a great view from the driver’s seat. I’m gonna go pee, I’ll be right back.” </p>
<p>Taxi didn’t say much, just a quiet “mhm”. He seemed lost in his own head, pinching the bridge of his nose and furrowing his eyebrows. </p>
<p>The rest stop wasn’t crowded. A couple people here and there, a pair of old ladies gawking at a vending machine, dads pointing and nodding at maps, the loudest hand dryers imaginable. On the outside, there had been a sign mentioning some trails that were available to the public. Br’aad noticed that on the trail map there was a creek not too far from the parking lot. If it had just been him, he wouldn’t have gone to look. He thought about how he should mention it to Taxi, he’d love it. </p>
<p>It was hard to ignore the unpleasant sounds and smells of the rest stop. This was without a doubt the worst part of the trip so far. His legs still felt cramped, the hand dryer still hadn’t stopped, and the sink sprayed water all over his shirt. He got out of there as fast as he could. </p>
<p>The relative silence of the outside was a breath of fresh air. Being free of the stench of sweat and things Br’aad didn’t want to think much about was also a breath of fresh air, coincidentally. Taxi was still leaning up against the driver’s side door. He scrolled idly through his phone, looking a little more refreshed than he had just a few minutes ago. Br’aad bounded up to him. </p>
<p>“Hey, I noticed that there’s a creek around here. I wanna go look at it, do you want to come with me?” Br’aad asked. </p>
<p>“A creek?” Taxi smiled, “that sounds great, yeah!”</p>
<p>Without thinking, Br’aad grabbed Taxi’s hand and dragged him toward where the sign had told him where the creek was. It was a lot closer than he’d thought. Between the two of them and the creek was a wooden fence and a sign telling them not to climb over said wooden fence. Taxi looked at Br’aad, Br’aad looked at Taxi, and without a word they both jumped the fence. </p>
<p>Sometimes, signs are there for a reason. Most of the time, that reason isn’t “we want you away from this super cool creek because we think you don’t deserve to come look at it” and is much closer to “hey if you jump the fence you’re probably going to fall into this super cool creek”. </p>
<p>Br’aad fell into the super cool creek— ass-first. Taxi watched Br’aad fall ass-first into the super cool creek and managed to grab onto a nearby tree and steady himself. Br’aad sat there stunned for a moment, processing the fact that his jeans were soaked and that his socks were also soaked and that his shoes were slightly more soaked than everything else from his waist down. His shirt was soaked from the sink earlier, so that wasn’t new. The water wasn’t too cold, but it wasn’t exactly the most pleasant experience. No one wants to take a surprise bath, and Br’aad was certainly very surprised by the bath he was currently taking. </p>
<p>Taxi held out his hand for Br’aad to lift himself up. The light was shining through the leaves, there were birds chirping somewhere off in the distance, the creek was burbling a delightful little sound. The afternoon sun lit Taxi’s hair up like it was on fire. If it weren’t for the freeway noise, Br’aad could almost believe that he was in a fairy tale and that his prince had come to rescue him from some terrible, watery villain. He placed his hand in Taxi’s and let Taxi lift him out of the water. </p>
<p>“Are you alright?” Taxi asked, trying to conceal a laugh. </p>
<p>“I’m ok. I think I might need to change my pants,” Br’aad responded, also trying to hold back his laughter.</p>
<p>“You’re not getting in my car like that, I don’t want you damaging the seats. Not to mention how uncomfortable it’ll be for you,” Taxi looked around, “do you need me to help you get up the hill?”</p>
<p>Br’aad studied the hill for a moment. It was steep and muddy and his shoes were soaked through. He could probably manage it on his own, but it wouldn’t hurt to have Taxi help him. </p>
<p>“Probably.” </p>
<p>Taxi’s hands were gentle, offering careful support wherever it was needed. The mud was a lot slipperier than Br’aad had first thought and the wetness of his shoes made it all the more difficult to walk with any sort of grace up the hill. </p>
<p>Having made it over the fence in the most awkward way possible, Br’aad could feel the eyes of other people at the rest stop. People who probably read the “hey don’t climb over the fence” sign and actually listened to it. In other words, cowards. All things considered, it still didn’t feel good to be stared at. Br’aad made his way to the car, leaving a very obvious trail of water behind in the previously very dry parking lot. </p>
<p>Br’aad dragged a change of clothes out of Taxi’s trunk, trying very hard not to show everyone at the rest stop his underwear. They already knew he was an idiot who didn’t follow advice given to him by helpful little signs, they didn’t need to know that his underwear had cats on it. </p>
<p>“Uh, Taxi? Could you come with me to the bathroom?” Br’aad studied the asphalt with intensity, his face burning as he asked what he thought was the most embarrassing question he could possibly ask at that moment. </p>
<p>“You want me to come with you to get changed?” Taxi asked, an air of confusion in his voice. </p>
<p>“Yeah I uh, I don’t really feel comfortable changing in there by myself. You can just stand outside the stall like a bodyguard.” </p>
<p>“Oh! Sure, of course. No issue.” </p>
<p>Br’aad breathed a sigh of relief. That bathroom had been appalling enough when he’d been in there with his clothes on, the idea of marching back in there and getting naked was one of the worst things he could imagine. </p>
<p>The pair made their awkward and soaking wet way back into the small building that looked a little bit more menacing that it had before. Something about it just looked like it had bad intentions. That is, to the extent that a building can look like it has bad intentions. It’s not like someone drew angry eyebrows over the windows or anything. It just looked like it wanted to eat them. As though the door that had been so very neutral before was now a gaping wide maw that ate travellers and never spit them out. </p>
<p>Br’aad stepped into the bathroom once more, found a stall, and locked the lock behind him. This time, he didn’t trust the lock at all. It had been fine before. It had done its job honorably, keeping the stall door closed to a very satisfactory extent. It was a relief to watch the door buckle a little as Taxi leaned his weight against it. He could see the fabric of Taxi’s shirt through the small crack in the stall door: generously sized lemons against a light blue background. </p>
<p>The stall was more cramped than it had felt when he was just sitting down to use it as it was intended to be used. Turns out, a rest stop bathroom wasn’t a great place to get dressed. Br’aad tried to get dressed as quick as he could, resulting in him bashing his elbow against the stall divider. Ignoring the pain in his elbow, Br’aad tightened his belt around his waist. He knocked on the door, trying to signal to Taxi that he’d like to be let out of his tiled prison. The door squeaked as Taxi took his weight off of it. Br’aad stepped out, wet clothes in hand. </p>
<p>“What should I do with these?” he asked.</p>
<p>“You can stick them on the floor, it might be a little dirty but they’ll need to be washed anyway,” Taxi said.</p>
<p>“Dirty” was not a word Br’aad would ever use to describe any part of Taxi’s car. He nodded anyway. </p>
<p>At long last, they’d be able to leave the rest stop. The two of them climbed back into the car. Br’aad plugged his phone into Taxi’s car, letting the algorithm choose their listening material for the next while. His music taste was similar enough to Taxi’s that he didn’t feel the need to carefully curate whatever shuffle spit out at them. It felt nice to just let a random number generator pick the music for a while. </p>
<p>Customs was nothing. A quick check, a small fee, and then they were out. The Blue Water Bridge was the real star of the show. Br’aad had never seen it before. It wasn’t the biggest bridge he’d ever been on (that title went to the Mackinac bridge when he and Sylnan had headed up north last winter over winter break) but something about it felt special. Maybe it was the way the sun glittered off of the cresting waves, maybe it was the fact that this would be the first time he’d ever left the country, maybe it was having a hulking metal reminder that this was the farthest he’d ever been from home. Looking out over the lake, Br’aad was filled with emotions that he couldn’t even begin to describe. </p>
<p>“Welcome to Canada, how’s it feel?” Taxi asked about halfway across. </p>
<p>“I wonder what Sylnan’s up to,” Br’aad replied, feeling very small all of a sudden. </p>
<p>“You could call him, if you want.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I think I will.”</p>
<p>Without taking his eyes off of the view outside the window, Br’aad pulled his phone out of his pocket. Before he called Sylnan, he snapped a quick photo of the view out of the window. He sent the photo to Sylnan along with a simple phone emoji. A few moments later, his phone rang. He put it on speaker, for Taxi’s sake. </p>
<p>The three of them chatted for a while, at least an hour. No way to be certain without doing math. Br’aad’s phone lost cell service a few minutes after they crossed the bridge, so they had to switch to Taxi’s phone to continue the call. They’d have to figure out how to make sure that Br’aad could use his phone while he was staying when they got there. Something about international data plans. It all seemed very complicated. Yet another thing for the list, yet another thing they hadn’t planned out. </p>
<p>The trip was the perfect mishmash of planned and spontaneous. Planned enough to not be anxiety inducing, spontaneous enough that it didn’t collapse under the weight of the little things. Some of those details included international data plans. Taxi’s parents would probably know what to do. Probably. It wasn’t important. </p>
<p>Taxi and Br’aad switched in Toronto. They stopped for a late lunch first (Taxi knew a place that was both quick and delicious). Br’aad experienced many firsts on this trip, and long-distance driving was a first that he really wished he’d been more prepared for. Staring at absolutely fuck-all for hours and hours at a time was maddening. It only got worse when the sun set. The hours and hours before the sun set weren’t a cake walk by any means, but after the glorious reprieve from boredom that the sunset had offered came the oppressive sameness of the night. </p>
<p>When the sun is shining you can look at the trees, the barns, the horizon, pretty much anything. When the night falls, all of that fades away and you’re left with nothing but you, the open road, your thoughts, and the tail lights of the cars in front of you. It nearly bored Br’aad to tears. Taxi assured him that it was almost the end of the drive, but his assurances did nothing to assuage Br’aad’s boredom. It got to the point where Br’aad had to interrupt Taxi from his nap in order to swap back. Taxi drove the last hour with some reluctance, but he seemed to recognize that Br’aad was mere seconds away from screaming. </p>
<p>The deeper they got into the city, the more Taxi perked up. Every once in a while, he’d stop to point some landmark out to Br’aad. A café he liked, a park with a particularly good picnic spot, something fun to do in the city. Seeing Taxi so enthusiastic perked Br’aad right up as well. The long hours of the car ride seemed to melt away. He was in the city that his best friend had grown up in, surrounded by wonderful things he’d never seen before. Did anything else matter? </p>
<p>Taxi called his mom to let her know they were almost there. He tried to have Br’aad text her, but Br’aad couldn’t figure out how to spell anything that Taxi had asked him to say. Sure, he’d taken a few semesters of French. That was nothing compared to growing up submerged in the language. </p>
<p>Whenever Taxi spoke french it was like he became a different person. A bit more animated, a bit more expressive. Definitely louder. Taxi’s voice filled the cabin of the car with ease. Before, he’d hardly taken up any space at all. Now, Br’aad felt like he might be pushed into the back seat. Taxi stayed on the phone with his mom just about until they pulled into the driveway. He offered Br’aad a sheepish “sorry” after the call, seemingly just now noticing that he’d been there. Br’aad didn’t mind. When you don’t understand a word of what someone is saying, it’s fairly easy to ignore them and think about other things. Br’aad occupied the time Taxi took talking to his mom by looking out the window at the city, taking in the sights. </p>
<p>When they pulled into the driveway, Taxi’s parents were already waiting for them. He’d known Taxi since high school, but this was the first time he was meeting his parents. His palms were a bit sweaty, he fidgeted with the edges of his fingernails. He really wasn’t sure how he was going to talk to Taxi’s mom. According to Taxi, she wasn’t particularly fond of speaking English, and Br’aad’s handful of semesters of French were in no way up to the task of making a good first impression. First impressions were something he’d need to worry about later. First, he needed to get everything he’d crammed into Taxi’s car back out of Taxi’s car and into his house; something that was much easier said than done.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Geez!! A whole year! So much has changed this year &amp; it's absolutely wild. Before I published AT&amp;M, I hadn't written anything in the longest time (like 5 years). I wasn't confident in my writing at all, but with all the support I've gotten for this I finally feel like "hey, I might actually be a good writer!" It's absolutely insane to me that my work is (as of writing this) the work with the most kudos in the JRWI tag.</p>
<p>When I first published this, there were about 11 works in the JRWI tag. I'm so happy to see that there's now well over 250! The tag has changed a lot in this last year, and the podcast has as well (fated 5 I miss you so much). I've read works by other authors and seen the influence that my work has had on them, and that is absolutely bonkers to me. I'm so proud not just of myself, but of all of you! I've even seen fan art of my work... that's insane to me. People liked my writing enough to draw fanart!?!?</p>
<p>There are so many wonderful writers in this fandom, and even if I'm not very active anymore I just want you all to know that I'm really proud of you all for putting your work out there and having it be seen. Trust me, I know it's not easy! I can't wait to see how the next year goes. Hopefully I'll be done by then...</p>
<p>I think I'm really ramping up to the end of AT&amp;M. It's been a very long journey, and one that's been punctuated by a lot of hardships (I literally published this before lockdowns hit my state... what a year it's been). It's sad to think I'm getting to the end of it. There's not many chapters left in this story, but I'm really proud of the mark I've left on the fandom.</p>
<p>Much love,<br/>braadvengolor &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26018299">All That and Even More</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/braadvengolor/pseuds/braadvengolor">braadvengolor</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
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